My Reasons


I could prattle on for endless hours trying to answer the question “Why do you love your wife?”

The fact is, I can’t really give you a reason. I don’t think there is a single, identifiable point that I can hold out and say “There! That’s why!” I don’t even think I WANT to do that. I don’t want to try and boil everything down to something I can easily wrap my mental or emotional arms around, and package it.

Part of the beauty of the relationship that we’ve had over the years is the mystery it holds. We’re open books to one another, and there are no secrets, but there’s still a little bit of mystery in there, that appealing little mystique, that I can’t explain. I can’t say for certain whether or not my wife feels that way, but I sure do. There’s still something really exciting, really stimulating, about our relationship. And believe me, it has NOT been an easy road.

So, rather than tell you ALL the reasons I love my wife (I don’t even know if I can articulate them or even enumerate them), let me tell you a few things I love ABOUT her.

  1. She’s really smart. I mean, REALLY smart. Scary sometimes. She has a sound reasoning and logic capability I’ve seen very few times before. She’s not necessarily book-smart, but she’s got a powerful brain idling in her skull, and when she fires it up, we can really have a great time. She’s bright, clever and challenging — sometimes all at once. Her keen intellect is what drew me to her first. I was able to talk to her about a subject she knew nothing about, and in a matter of a couple of years, her knowledge and understanding of that subject now surpasses mine. Oh, and lest that seem unimpressive — I formally studied the subject for a few years before I met her, and she never has.
  2. She’s incredibly articulate. I can’t tell you how strong her vocabulary is; when we first started dating, her letters were like a crisp autumn breeze on a hot, humid summer day. It was so refreshing to read complete, properly spelled and punctuated English in an electronic format (email). When we started dating, her spoken grammar was a bit lazy. A little chiding, and in a matter of months, she’s making ME look bad (and that’s quite saying something). It’s so sweet to hear her speak; it’s like a soothing bath for my internal grammarian. Ahhhhhh.
  3. She’s not overly emotional. I know that sounds terrible, but in times of woe and trouble, she’s MY rock. A bit of role reversal, there, I guess, but she’s usually the one that’s steady and stable when stuff’s hitting the fan. I guess, since I’ve been married to her, I’ve sort of taken advantage of that and have let myself emote more than I should or normally would. I’m a bit of a passionate person, and with her around as an anchor, it’s more okay for me to be emotionally volatile that it ever was before. While I take advantage of that, I never take it for granted.
  4. She believes in me. Don’t take that lightly; it’s not an easy thing to do. It must be hard for her to know that she’s chosen to stand by someone who may or may not ever be successful in monetary terms, may or may not ever be economically stable (can you spell “contractor?” I knew you could), may or may not ever actually complete something he starts (yeah, I know … I keep changing my mind because I can’t seem to figure out what I want to be if I grow up), and someone that’s never been able to give her anything she wants materially. Somehow, none of that matters to her. She just keeps believing in me, and that’s a really powerful force in my life. Especially when I don’t believe in myself very much right now.
  5. She loves me … a LOT. Again, that’s not that easy to do. Others have tried and failed, to whatever degree I didn’t contribute to that failure myself. It never worked, and I’ve never been sorry to have moved on. But she’s still here, and we’re still going STRONG, after 8 years of hardship, struggle and loss. We had a few years of smooth sailing, but never of prosper, and the last 5 years have been on-again off-again smoothness. Every morning, though, I get up and there she is — still sticking with me. It’s amazing. If my wife never said the words again, I know that she loves me. She’s proven it in the worst of circumstances.
  6. She laughs at my jokes. She always gets it. I never have to explain them. If my humor is off-beat and kind of weird, she doesn’t seem to mind. She just giggles and shakes (her whole body shakes when she’s laughing) at my comments. She lets me make snide remarks at the TV. She hears every under-my-breath comment I make, and she always seems to get the joke, and even better — she thinks they’re funny.
  7. She tries to do everything. Most people don’t notice this, I don’t think. She works furiously to keep up with two small children, the housekeeping, the bookkeeping, the shopping, the taxes, home schooling, the news, the cooking, the laundry, and me and my moods. I’m out of breath just typing the list; I can’t imagine trying to complete it.
  8. She’s funny. Not all the time, but when she comes up with a one-liner, it’s a doozy. She had me in stitches the other night, and I laughed so hard I couldn’t even breathe. It was astounding. And she does that to me every so often. She just comes up with something so perfect, so fitting and so hysterical I laugh until my sides ache and I can’t draw a breath anymore.
  9. She’s deeply spiritual. It doesn’t always show on the surface, but she is regularly praying and reading her Bible and living her life in a God-honoring way … mostly. It was our common spirituality that first initiated contact between us, and it remains the foundation of our relationship to this day. She’s grown a lot since the first time we spoke about spiritual things, and she heard terms she’d never heard before. Now she’s the greater student of the Bible, and I learn from her. Absolutely amazing.
  10. She’s my best friend. A lot of couples say this, but it doesn’t ever pan out to be literally true. Or, other times, the claim is that the partners are friends, but not BEST friends, because if you have a fight, you can’t talk to your best friend anymore. I say that if you can’t fight with your best friend and talk about why, or if you stay so angry at your best friend you can’t ever talk about the reason you’re fighting, you’re not best friends. My wife and I agree on a lot of things … a LOT of things. But not everything. And we shouldn’t; we’re still two individual people. But if you and your spouse aren’t close enough so that a disagreement causes a major rift in your relationship, then something bigger is wrong. My wife and I can disagree about something strongly and never be angry in totality over it. We usually can agree to disagree, because we never disagree about really important things. That’s HOW we became best friends — we see a lot of things the same way.
  11. She knows me better than I know myself. This isn’t a bad thing, this is really comforting. She can give me insights to myself that weren’t possible before. She can provide me with stinging feedback and startling revelations, all about myself and my own internal processes, reasons and justifications. It’s astounding, and it’s a relief to know that at least ONE of us is familiar with me.

There are other things, of course. This is just what comes off the top of my head. I really think she’s something special, and I don’t tell her enough how much I love her, appreciate her, admire her, and respect her.

How can I? How could I EVER?

-JDT-

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