Okay, normally I wouldn’t do this, because it’s a little weird and I’m a little weird, and the two together are just a little too weird, but … I gotta do this.
WordPress has a very helpful little ditty down on the lower left corner of the dashboard of your blog, on the “Blog Stats” page, called “Search Engine Terms.” It lists the search criteria someone entered in a search engine (doesn’t say which one) to turn up your blog.
The strangest one I’ve had to date is “Childbirth, giving birth.” That one, of course, was connected to this post I did some time back. It might hit on some others, too — like some of the childhood memoir fiction I was doing a few months ago, before Ghost Hunters got going. (The title of which I’m probably going to have to change, btw.) So, while it was a weird thing for someone to do a search on (childbirth sorta happens, doesn’t it?), it wasn’t completely without logical connection to my blog.
This morning, however, I found this one sitting on my dashboard:
enema “public restroom”
Okay, that’s … that’s wrong on so many levels. I can’t begin to tell you.
How that led this person to my blog, I’ll never know. I don’t want to know. I really don’t. I don’t recall writing about enemas, and I certainly wouldn’t write about one in a public restroom. I’ve never even thought about a public restroom enema, frankly, and the visual image it connotes is neither pleasant nor desirable. I have no idea WTF that person was looking for, and more frighteningly, what they found on my blog, but …
Well, let me just say this to the individual that did the search:
Please don’t perform an enema in a public restroom if you can at all avoid it. Unless it’s an absolute necessity. If you can get to a hospital emergency room or a free clinic somewhere nearby, please do that instead. Enemas in a public restroom are just … disgusting to even imagine. You’re exposing yourself (so to speak) to horrific disease opportunities, and exposing anyone that may have to use the restroom after you to said same.
Ugh. Please don’t.
That being said, I hope there was at least something helpful on my blog for you. And you’re always welcome to come back.
Just wash your hands first, okay?