Strange Search Engine Terms that Found ME


Okay, normally I wouldn’t do this, because it’s a little weird and I’m a little weird, and the two together are just a little too weird, but … I gotta do this.

WordPress has a very helpful little ditty down on the lower left corner of the dashboard of your blog, on the “Blog Stats” page, called “Search Engine Terms.” It lists the search criteria someone entered in a search engine (doesn’t say which one) to turn up your blog.

The strangest one I’ve had to date is “Childbirth, giving birth.” That one, of course, was connected to this post I did some time back. It might hit on some others, too — like some of the childhood memoir fiction I was doing a few months ago, before Ghost Hunters got going. (The title of which I’m probably going to have to change, btw.) So, while it was a weird thing for someone to do a search on (childbirth sorta happens, doesn’t it?), it wasn’t completely without logical connection to my blog.

This morning, however, I found this one sitting on my dashboard:

enema “public restroom”

Okay, that’s … that’s wrong on so many levels. I can’t begin to tell you.

How that led this person to my blog, I’ll never know. I don’t want to know. I really don’t. I don’t recall writing about enemas, and I certainly wouldn’t write about one in a public restroom. I’ve never even thought about a public restroom enema, frankly, and the visual image it connotes is neither pleasant nor desirable. I have no idea WTF that person was looking for, and more frighteningly, what they found on my blog, but …

Well, let me just say this to the individual that did the search:

Please don’t perform an enema in a public restroom if you can at all avoid it. Unless it’s an absolute necessity. If you can get to a hospital emergency room or a free clinic somewhere nearby, please do that instead. Enemas in a public restroom are just … disgusting to even imagine. You’re exposing yourself (so to speak) to horrific disease opportunities, and exposing anyone that may have to use the restroom after you to said same.

Ugh. Please don’t.

That being said, I hope there was at least something helpful on my blog for you. And you’re always welcome to come back.

Just wash your hands first, okay?

-JDT-

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8 thoughts on “Strange Search Engine Terms that Found ME

  1. enema “public restroom”

    Okay, that’s … that’s wrong on so many levels. I can’t begin to tell you.

    LMAO at that!

    Please don’t perform an enema in a public restroom if you can at all avoid it. Unless it’s an absolute necessity. If you can get to a hospital emergency room or a free clinic somewhere nearby, please do that instead. Enemas in a public restroom are just … disgusting to even imagine. You’re exposing yourself (so to speak) to horrific disease opportunities, and exposing anyone that may have to use the restroom after you to said same.

    LMAO even harder at that! I mean tears coming out of my eyes laughing.

    As for your weirdness. That’s one of the best qualities a person can have if you ask me. I pride myself on my weirdness and uniqueness. Embrace and love it.

    I don’t really know what to say other than that was funny and gross and in the immortal words of Dillon…. Dude. Just Dude.

    Raga

  2. OK, so after a little research, I discovered that this is the page that caused you to receive a hit from Google for that term:
    https://darcknyt.wordpress.com/2006/11/29/

    And a little further digging reveals that you currently rank 49th for the term enema “public restroom”

    … so kudos to you.

    … and I just want everyone to think about the fact that the searcher had to look through 48 other search results before they finally got here. You gotta admire the persistence.

    Also, It appears that one of my other comments got swallowed up by the Internet. Anyway, thanks for the second review (thank your wife for hers, too), merry Christmas, and happy birthday.

  3. @Raga – Hi, sweetie, welcome back! Hope your Christmas was amazing and blessed and that you got all your wishes granted. We’re happy to see you again!

    I’m glad you liked the post, too. I haven’t written anything just silly in a long time. Either I’m posting fiction or apologizing for not posting fiction. So it was a little weird for me to write something so nonsensical and without a plot. I’m really happy you liked it. Amazing what people will search for on the Interweb, ain’t it?

    @Bryce – Good grief! 49 pages deep??? Holy smokes! And speaking of persistence — thanks for digging it out and letting me know that I did, in fact, use the word enema in my blog once, more than a year and 6 weeks ago. Astounding. Nice job!

    Sorry about your other comment, too, but thank YOU for the link back to one of my finer moments in blog history. It made me laugh again. (My wife never thought much of it. I don’t know why.)

    @Undercanopy – Don’t worry about your search terms yet, UC — your day will come. Welcome back, and thanks for popping by! Keep on postin’!

  4. Hi, Sherri, nice to see you again! Glad I could help you get your monitor all cleaned up. 🙂

    Come back next time, maybe the pop’ll shoot through your nose instead. Then it’s a keyboard clean-up. 😉

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