More Weird Search Terms


Well, I’m already the blog enema king. I guess I can start adding “outhouse” to my list of accomplishments too. I found this search term in my blog stats this morning:

ran out of outhouse with her pants down

Well.

That certainly is a predicament, isn’t it?

I cackled, and she looked over at me from her desk. “What?”

I showed my wife this search term. She shrugged. Shrugged, like it was no big deal. Nothing unusual. “Yeah, so?” her expression said.

As the laughter choked in my stunned throat and the smile drained like bath water from my confused mug, I blinked at her. “Don’t you … isn’t that funny?”

“Not really. Why would it be?”

“Well — I mean, under what circumstances would someone be running out of the outhouse without their pants?”

“Lots of ’em,” she said flatly. “Maybe she got scared, like by a spider or mouse or rat or possum or something. Or maybe the outhouse caught fire. Maybe someone tried to tip it. Lots of reasons.”

I couldn’t get my head around that. “Do any … you’d run out of an outhouse without your ass-covering for those reasons? I mean, a feral rat or possum, yeah, but a spider? Stand up and squash it! And who sets an outhouse on fire?? These things aren’t wooden structures like in Li’l Abner anymore, dearie. They’re generally polymer, and difficult to set aflame without accelerant and incendiary chemical intervention. Anyone going to those lengths for an outhouse DESERVES to see your bare ass.”

“I wouldn’t try to kill the spider,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Oh? You’d rather run bare-assed into a public area than take a second to pull up your pants?”

“Depends on the spider, but if it’s big enough, yeah. Frankly.”

“Well, that’s just … I mean, I’m an arachnophobe too, but c’mon! Who doesn’t kill a spider rather than just running bare-bottomed out the door of a Port-a-Potty??”

“Maybe it was down in the hole and she didn’t see it until it came up on her leg or something.”

“Are we really having this conversation? Seriously?”

You brought it up.”

“I thought it was comedy! I thought it was hysterical that someone would run out of an outhouse without their pants! You’re telling me this makes sense to you! Are we seriously discussing this??”

“Do you still think it’s funny?”

“Well, I … I guess it … no. No, not really.”

“Then I guess I’ve proven my point.”

*****

To the person that fled the outhouse without your pants: Sorry. I hope you’re okay.

To the person that searched for someone fleeing an outhouse without her pants: It’s not funny, jerk.

-JDT-

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10 thoughts on “More Weird Search Terms

  1. here are my all time faves…

    “sex with animals”
    “blue underwear and teddy bears”

    Maybe its the cybergods telling you that you need to blog about outhouses…

  2. Hey, thegirl, thanks for coming by and checkin’ out my blog! I’m always glad to have new faces (er, uh, avatars) I’ve not seen before. Welcome!

    Yeah, maybe I’m going to be the supreme repository for all things fecal on the Internet someday. I mean, I already pwn on enemas. (See my other search terms entries for more information.)

    Thanks again for coming by! Feel free to stop in and drop a line whenever you’d like. πŸ™‚

  3. LMAO Ya’lls tiff is funny. I’m totally with the radness that is your wife. I too would haul bare ass if I saw a spider.

    Funny story, I actually know someone who set an outhouse on fire. Fecal matter IS flammable. My fire bug didn’t set it on fire with someone in it but it could happen. Or at least it could happen in Texas.

    Raga

    And no it wasn’t me that set the outhouse on fire. πŸ˜‰

  4. Raga – LMAO!! Woo! Fire in the hole, LITERALLY! That’s awesome — and how perfectly hot, sultry Texas summer of a story is THAT?? Mind if I use it in one of my fiction pieces?? (J/K – awesome story though!)

    Glad you came by! Love you bunches, sweetie!

  5. Raga, you’re so funny! And thanks for siding with me on this one! I am no fan of spiders. (Somewhere on my blog is a post of that – something about Strange Bedfellows, I think).

    And thanks too for the proof that outhouses can indeed be set on fire! My love had a hard time believing me when I said there were still wooden ones around, lol.

    It’s good to see you hon. πŸ™‚ Hugs!

  6. ROFLMAO! I can just see you two having this conversation. Even though I don’t really know what you look like. I can still see it. And that was the perfect ending.

    FWIW, I thought that was a pretty funny search term.

  7. Sherri – LMAO! I’m so glad to know I wasn’t the only one! Thanks for stepping forward to let me know. I feel more normal now!

    Woo! Normal!

    Love you sweetie! Thanks for stopping by!

  8. Sherri-berry! – Isn’t that just us though? We’re weird. πŸ˜‰ That was a good ending, wasn’t it. I liked how he did that. πŸ™‚

    Miss you hon – hope everything’s going well for you. Love and hugs!

  9. Leafless – I don’t think I’m annoyed so much as amused. But if I could be a fly on the Google wall and see what search terms they see on a daily basis, I’d probably blush and try to buy a compound somewhere in Wyoming where I could live off the grid and ‘Net altogether. πŸ˜‰

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