An Interesting Year

I’ve had an interesting year.  And it’s not over yet.

It started bad.  Real bad.  It improved, and looked like it might turn out to be one of the better years we’ve had in a while.

Things hummed along like a well-tuned American V-8 after Q1 2008.  Nothing terrible came our way, but we couldn’t wrangle normalcy down.  We managed with our means, and reached “doing all right”.  We didn’t break any banks with our cash influx, but had everything we needed and a little for fun.  Not much, but enough.  To me, that was “doing all right.”

We did okay with happy too.  Things were … okay.  I had lots of writing time.  (Not that I don’t now.)  And motivation.  (That’s missing right now.)

But it didn’t hold together very long.  Our center never does.

I got into something I never meant to, with someone I thought of as a friend.   It went downhill in a matter of hours.  I don’t have that friend anymore.  A couple of months ago, something that might’ve been kind of like a sort of olive branch passed fleeting between us, but never materialized or deepened.  That person’s gone now, and I think of her from time to time and wonder if I should make contact.  Just sometimes.

Our work situation changed because the financial industry – and a lot of others with it – collapsed.  Unexpected unemployment became a looming shadow in the dusk.  Then it overtook us.  Again.

Other things went awry too.

Recently, things erupted in an incomprehensible way with someone to whom I felt close.  My wife was baffled.  I was baffled.  My friends – the few I have left – said forget it, push it aside, let it go.  Move on.  Who cares?  They weren’t a true friend then, right?  I suppose not.  (One of those friends now feels differently about it.)  We’d been there during a dark time for that person.  Stood by them unconditionally.  While they were reviled as wicked and unrepentant, we stood beside them.  But, when it came to choices for them, they chose against me and LOML by association.  No backward glance.  Not a parting word except those fired in defense of their decision.  Dust, wreckage, ruin.  Gone.

I’ve been banned, insulted and ridiculed for my thoughts on the Internet more this year than any other time before.  I don’t mind most of it.  Those who’ve banned me did so in “fear.”  What’s to fear?  What can I do?  I guess I could critique your work.  God forbid you should learn something.  I remain banned, forgotten, feared and relegated to the dustbin of disagreement of ideologies.  And that’s fine.

I was reminded not to speak things I can’t defend in an argument.  A good lesson.  It came at too high a cost.  I’ve not decided if it was worth it yet.

So I’ve been near a flame war for the first time in more than 13 years, been discarded by not one but two friends, got close to losing another (I still don’t know where that stands, and can’t figure it out), got banned from a page or two and started my own critique group with a new, budding friend.

It’s not over yet.

I wonder what next year will bring?


ALL original content copyright DarcKnyt, 2008

8 thoughts on “An Interesting Year

  1. Well. The Order of the Fist is planning on taking over the world! That’s always a bright spot.

    I think, my dear friend, your wheels got mired down in life. The key is knowing when to get out of the wagon because you can’t stop moving forward. While we’ve never met I consider you guys to my closest aquiantances (sp) because of your guidance, friendship, and kicks in the butt every so often. So here is the return favor.

    IT COULD BE WORSE. It’s that simple. Life is here and whether you are a fatalist or not I have to quote Patches O’Houlihan from the movie Dodgeball and say ‘You have to grab it by it’s haunches and hump it into submission!’

    Let’s go bud. We’ve got stories to tell the world. Let’s get them down on paper and not look back. It’s our time to shine.

    Your dearest friend,

    Benjamin Rogers

    I’m looking forward to walking the road shoulder to shoulder with you, my friend. Yes, friend.

  2. Isn’t it stupid how at the end of the year we look at the crap we put up with and say, “I’m not putting up with that another year,” and then at the end of next year we’re saying the exact same thing about the exact same crap? Wassup wit dat?

    Seriously, though, DZ is right. Hump it into submission!

    I think you must have caught this friend problem from me, because that’s the same freakin’ thing I was going through this year. I’m still getting over it, but I think it may have remade me permanently. I hope in a good way.

    Time will show, eh? But yes — let’s hope it’s made us wiser and better judges of what friendship is. I’m glad to still have you.

  3. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wasteland and streams in the desert.” Is. 43:18-19

    Someone left this on my voicemail just a few minutes ago and it was the first thing that came to mind as I read your post. Praying for you guys. *hugs*

    Great bit of Scripture, Casey! Thank you for your prayers. We can sure use them! *hug back*

  4. The next year will bring a better job for you, a lot of laughter, some stress, more crappy remakes of 80’s TV shows, a comeback in the fashionability of saddle shoes, and an earthquake in Vermont. I have foreseen it.

    As to friends – this is something my wife and I have struggled with, too. Not for the same reasons, but we’ve lost most of the friends we used to be able to hang out with. Little by little we’ve been making new friends – but it’s hard with the pain of having somebody close basically abandon you being so recent. It’s hard to risk making a new friendship. I’ve started to come to the conclusion, though, that rollover in friendships is natural and ok. I mean, I saw one of my best friends in high school at the grocery store the other day. We didn’t have more than about four words to say to each other any more. Our lives went totally different paths. As it ended up, I was OK with not being “actively” his friend. But then I think of the friends I do have left, they are all headed in the same direction as I, and have similar interests, be it guns or writing or dancing or politics.

    Anyway, I’m rambling again. Hang in there, bro. I believe in you.

    And next time you get in a flame war, check out:

    Thank you, Bryce. You don’t know how much that means to us. And we believe in you too. Evolving relationships, while never easy, is a fact of life. I think I’ve understood that all along. The sting is still there in knowing the ones you forged were for nothing, but we move on. I think I’m finished grieving, but I hope I carry the lesson the rest of my life. God bless you guys, Bryce. We love you.

  5. Some years are mixed bags. We learn and we grow.

    wishing you good things in the new year:)

    They sure are. I hope we learn and grow. Time will show, though. Thanks, Annie — and all the best to you and yours for the new year too. 🙂

  6. You never quite know what the road is going to be like. I hope the next year and the ones following that are happy and bring you where you want to go. Zman sends

    Thank you so much — and the same to you and yours!

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