The Horrors of Past Regrets

Image by tyskis via Flickr

You know, I was sitting here at my computer, job hunting — which isn’t as easy as it sounds right now — when I realized the activity didn’t do much more than depress me.

Now, I’m not going to sink into a self-destructive cycle of alcohol, drugs and vomit.  But I’m a little nervous about the prospect of panhandling and living out of our car and eating from dumpsters.  (Not really.  Not yet, anyway.)  I have to look — I know that, nothing will happen if I don’t — but GOD, it’s depressing.

For one, this marks the fifth straight year I’ve been contracting.  (Not to mention the 21 months I spent out of work after getting laid off from my last full-time gig.)  For those of you who haven’t had the privilege of hearing me complain about this over the four- or five-year life of my blogging, “contracting” is a fancy-dancy, new-fangled way of saying “temporary employee.”  Sometimes, they come complete with the carrot-and-stick of “contract-to-hire,” but for the most part, the IT industry loves contractors.  It’s like disposable cell phones.  Use them for what you need, then throw them away.

Now, the reasons for my being a contractor are manifold, and it’s hard to explain to someone who things on a simplistic basis.  And it’s very difficult to raise a family of four on insufficient wages, so the lure of the higher pay, even without the comfort of stability or benefits (health and/or fringe) is very strong.  But the biggest reason I’m a contractor is probably because I let so many chances get by me, first when I was young … and then when I was too old to have youth as an excuse.  *Sigh*

The bitch of it all is, I haven’t been able to get and stay on my feet long enough to do anything about it, and as demands of life grow and compound, I don’t know when — or if — I ever will.  All of this because of some stupidity, in what seemed minor things at the time(s).  And they’re huge … bigger than I could’ve ever imagined.

What about you?  Have you got any Ghosts of Mistakes Past haunting your present, threatening your future?  What clanking, clanging chains do the skeletons in your closets rattle to remind you of the zigs that should’ve been zags, or the lefts which should’ve been rights?

Sound off, y’all.  Misery loves comp’ny.  😉

God bless,


8 thoughts on “The Horrors of Past Regrets

  1. Just the usual shoulda-coulda-but-didn’t stuff involving the ladies. That’s it for me, I guess.

    Good place to be in, when all you regret are missed ops with the ladies. And I suspect there are plenty of those in your future yet, young man.

  2. I have one big regret that I can’t talk about here but you probably know what it is already. And I can’t think of it as a regret because there are other people who depend on that mistake for their very lives. So… No. No regrets.

    Oh, wait! Yeah, I do have a regret, and that is not loving myself sooner.


    Well, that’s all right then, isn’t it? 🙂

  3. Now vomiting is something you can get used to. You know, if you wanted to do the whole getting drunk thing that is. I wouldn’t recommend it though.

    I wish you could move here. There are all sorts of companies hiring. You would find a job. It’s just the whole getting you here thing. I know, stop beating the dead horse.

    As far as ghosts of mistakes past, can we fit in my late teens to early twenties in there? Good times. LOL

    I love ya and I wish there was something I could do.

    Oh, that’s the same time period — although decades apart! 😀 — where all MY mistakes (well, most of ’em) were made too! Welcome to the club, sweetie!

    And you know, you’re one of my favorite people on the planet. We love you too, and someday things’ll be better. You’ll see. 🙂 Hope you’re feeling better, sugar, and I know how comfortable you and vomiting are becoming. I hope you break up soon, though — y’know. 😉

    Love ya cupcake. Really do. We’re praying for you.

  4. Regrets?? NO..I am lucky like that..having spent the last 16 yrs and change in uniform I have lived a lifetime in that time. I knew early on the things you see and do are what you are suppose to have seen and done…But more then that…its how hard you can get hit and keep movin’ forward that’s life’s lesson …Zman sends

    Wow, a man with no regrets! Never thought I’d see the day, but then, I’ve lived a sheltered life so far. And it’s so refreshing to know it’s possible! I can see how, having lived a full and worthwhile experience in the military can help you make sure the path is a good one. Thanks for stopping by and letting me know there are people out there like you, Zman! 🙂

  5. I uh, wish I hadn’t taken the 7 year plan (complete with stops at 4, count ’em FOUR institutions of higher learning) to finally graduate from college.

    Finishing college, period, would’ve erased a lot of my stuff, I think. I think. Hindsight’s not as 20/20 as people sometimes think.

    But then again, I wouldn’t know the things I know about myself now, I wouldn’t have met my wonderful husband, I wouldn’t have some of the great friends I made along the way and most of all…

    I wouldn’t have had the horrible awful utterly life-changing-for-the-better experience of having to PAY MY OWN WAY through the last three years while paying off stupid credit card debt because my parents refused to bail me out.

    I guess sometimes the stuff our parents visit upon us works out for our betterment. Nice to hear it did for you at least. 🙂

    I’m a much stronger and wiser person today for everything I learned during those 7 years of higher education. I wouldn’t trade ’em for the world.

    One day you’ll look back fondly on this time and say to Falcon, “remember when?”

    I already do. “Remember when life wasn’t so hard?” “Remember when I could see my belt buckle?” “Remember when we had cars with warranties and all?” “Remember when we thought things were going to be normal for us?”

    Oh, yeah — we do that now, hon. 🙂

  6. I have a short memory. I’m glad that I have a short memory. No haunting mistakes or ghosts for me.

    Ah, the blessing of absentmindedness! Now, what were we discussing again? 😉

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