Image by just.Luc via Flickr

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve really had a strong feeling of restlessness.  It’s not anxiety, per se, but it’s an edginess I can’t define clearly, put my finger on.  Not all the way, at least.

Being out of work for so long isn’t helping, of course.  But it’s more than that.  Being helpless in a lot of ways in this situation brings its own sense of frustration, but there’s a tiger pacing in a cage somewhere inside me and I can’t figure out what’s got it so wound up.  There’s something in my spirit that’s uneasy.  I have no clue what it is, but I bet it’s contributing to my inability to crank out anything creative lately.

I’ve spoken to my beloved wife about this.  She has interesting insights on it, but nothing she’s said has helped me overcome this crap either.  I get more and more ticked off about it as time goes on.

Part of me wants to do something.  But with our current situation, that’s simply not possible.

Oh well.  I guess it could be worse.  But it’s times like this that make me wish I was a gamer.  Maybe a nice round of mindless alien-gunning would help.

What’s on your mind lately?



9 thoughts on “Antsy

  1. I’m no counselor, but maybe you need to keep yourself occupied with, you know, something. And bring the wife in on it, get her involved too. Somethings are more fun with a partner, if you know what I mean.

    It’s a thought, yeah. It won’t help my situation whatsoever, but a distraction’s a distraction.

  2. Get a hobbie….model trains, build something, photography…something dammit so i dont think I am reading hemingway on crack…zman sends

    “Hemingway on crack”? I’m not even sure what you mean by that. A lot of my posts are like this though, just so you know.

  3. And how is it you are the antsy one I am here on convalescent lv from a partial lung removal and your the antsy one…i would kill to be healthy and at work right now….go run a marathon…geez louise..ZMAN well you know

    Zman, I appreciate you coming here to read what I say. And I understand you have a grave and scary situation on your hands, and thank you for that perspective, but we all have our own things we face, and my demons aren’t any less real than yours are. They’re just different is all. I’m antsy because I have two children and a wife to care for, no job, no insurance, no prospects for either, and a limited amount of unemployment. I’m sure you can understand we all have our own things to deal with, just as I understand my situation isn’t the same for the other 90% of the population. Most people don’t face what I face, and while I don’t want to demean your situation in any way, please don’t demean mine as though it’s some triviality I shouldn’t even be concerned with. It’s big enough to occupy most of my waking moments. For all I know, I’m as sick as you are and don’t even have the ability to find out. My situation is to me as frightening as yours is to you, and it’s more real to me because it’s MY situation. I’m not trying to be harsh or defensive or rude, but your dismissal of my fears and anxieties on my own blog are pretty hard to face, especially when I turn around and see two innocent kids who need more than I can give them right now.

    God bless, Zman, and you’re still in our prayers. We’re pulling for ya.

  4. Volunteer. I know, it sounds trite but it will get you out of the house, expand your circle of acquaintances, and perhaps even open the door to a job opportunity that you never knew existed. Plus, having volunteer work on your resume – especially while you’re out of work – is a shining gold halo and could get you some brownie points with a potential employer.

    Having worked at non-profits for 2 years I KNOW that there are agencies that are desperate for people to volunteer nothing more than their time. It may be something as crappy as filing or helping to assemble board packets, or they could note your talents and ask you to work on a project for them. Any exposure to non-profit board members is also awesome because they’re the ones making the decisions in their own companies.

    Start with or call some of the big non-profits to see what help they need: American Cancer Society, American Diabetes Association, American Red Cross, American Heart Association. There are probably also local NPs that need your help, too.

    If anything, maybe it will just get you out of the rut, n’est ce que pas?

    That’s an interesting idea. I guess I never thought of it. Something to consider, for sure. Thanks.

  5. Steve is right. A hobby would help, especially if it deals with collecting stuff.

    I’m sure it can’t hurt, but the situation I’m anxious about (most likely) won’t really allow me to develop a hobby. I have a couple of things I can do without spending any money, which I don’t have right now, but I’m not sure I can collect anything.

    Still, thanks for sounding off. I appreciate it. 🙂

  6. Didn’t know you tweeted and don’t know if you are a programmer but found this on a RT

    Need Programmer, who answers phone,understands Deadlines, email me Robertnelsoninc@yahoo

    Thanks, Annie. Yes, I tweet, just not often … and not interesting, like my blog apparently. I am, regrettably, not a programmer. If I were, I probably (maybe) wouldn’t be in my current mess. But I thank you for the heads-up!

  7. Knyt

    Easy partner your going to blow a head gasket. Ok I was a bit harsh I spose. I sowwy !!!…was just trying to lighten you out of the funk a little. Ok lets just go back and figure out where the train got off the track…I have this image of you like the guy on mad money (Jim Cramer) stormin around….i am here for you hopalong….Zman sends

    Don’t worry, Steve, that’s nowhere NEAR head-gasket blowin’ for me, bud. 😉 No hard feelings, I promise. I tend to be passionate. You don’t have to worry about the train derailing, either. But I sure appreciate you saying this. 🙂

  8. Ooh, you made the header on Photoshop! Now that’s what you call Mad Photoshop Skillz LOL. I’m not really creative so I just leave my Photoshop alone hahaha.

    Anyway, on to your post.

    I have felt this restlessness thing too last month and I don’t know what’s up either and I don’t know how it was solved. I think you should be doing something but you forgot what it is or there must be a pending work. Maybe your writing? Maybe you’ve got some unfinished tasks? Maybe you should be doing something that you want to do for so long now? Maybe something is coming up? I assume you have trouble sleeping too. Maybe you are excited over something? You’ve got loads of things to think about? I say try asking yourself these questions, it might help a bit. But it really comes from time to time and goes without you noticing it.

    I have asked myself those questions, and more. The answers vary but having a lot on my mind is certainly the key thing here. Thinking there’s something I have to do — that’s the other aspect. So you’re right, but it’s almost impossible to fix. I’m doing anything I can to take care of the situation, so for now, I’m stuck. 🙂

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