Wunderbar Wonderlic!

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Well, I messed up big-time.

I suppose, when you’re talking about taking the Wonderlic test, screwing up the instructions means you’re … well, not a wunderkind.  I assumed the company providing me the opportunity to take the assessment would deem me stupid and pass me by.

The person recruiting for the company told me it was an abbreviated Wonderlic test; it would be eight minutes long.  They didn’t stutter of hem-haw.  Eight minutes.  Make sure you have uninterrupted time to take the assessment.

I did.

When I got to the site for the test, however, the instructions said to allow twenty-five minutes for the process.  I thought there’d been a mistake by my contact with prospective employer, and I had more time.  I took my time through the questions, made sure the answers were right; I didn’t pay much attention to the instructions.  It’s multiple choice – how hard can it be?

I ran across a math problem; I grabbed scratch paper and pencil.  I started scribbling.  I finally came up with the answer after brushing dust off the math circuitry and clicked the appropriate box.

“Your time has expired for this assessment,” the screen said, a cold, flat refusal in its tone.

I crapped my pants.  I panicked.  I called the company recruiter back.  I explained the problem.  I told her I know it was my mistake, I was sorry, and if there was anything else I could do, please let me know.  She had a bit irritation in her voice when she told me she’d send me another invitation.  I fell all over myself thanking her, hung up, and got the email invitation about two minutes later.  Without delay, I clicked the link and prepared to do major damage to this test this time.  Boy, they’d be sorry they met me.

I clicked the provided link, and the site stared its cold stare into my eyes, chilling my soul.

“All necessary assessments have been completed,” it read, deadly serious and menacing.

A spike of panic-fueled adrenaline.  Oh my God! I wailed, my inward coward wetting itself, I’ve been classified a moron and can’t fix it!  The Test won’t let me have a second chance!  I’m … I’m finished!  I’m done!  I’m … STUPID!

I called the Wonderlic support number.  I got a voice recording stating I needed to leave my contact information and they’d get back to me in 24 hours.  24 hours?! I re-crapped myself.  I don’t have 24 hours!

I changed my shorts.  I flagellated myself for an hour.  Then my phone buzzed.

It was Wonderlic Support!  Patient, wonderful, Wonderlic Support!

They walked me through my problem; they reset everything.  They gave me my second chance.

I wish I could remember the wonderful agent’s name.  She was fantastic, sweet, understanding and never used the words “moron”, “idiot” or “stupid” in any context … aloud.  She was amazing.

If that agent finds this post, I’m sorry I forgot your name.  You were the most wonderful person I met that day, and I wanted to remember your name, I really did.  But I got lost in the heat of trying to fill out the form, the test and get everything done.  Please forgive my lapse, and thank you.

I still may be a moron – the test results will show, and I don’t get them, the assessing company does – but I sure am grateful to have that second chance.



All original content © 2009 DarcKnyt
ALL rights reserved.


7 thoughts on “Wunderbar Wonderlic!

  1. Isn’t the wonderlic something used to over-value the NFL draft process?

    It is indeed! And I’m hoping I scored at least as high as some of those over-valued players did.

  2. Is this a place of employment??? we are talking about a test to see if they want to hire you yes??? well you dont SEEM like a dullard…anyways best of luck….zman

    Yes, indeed, Steve, it’s for a place of employment. Thanks for the well-wishes! Keep us in your prayers!

  3. The test software appears to have serious design flaws. It should have displayed a timer that lets you know how much time left is the test.

    Oh well, at least the support people are nice and understanding.

    Oh, it DID have a timer … I chose to ignore it because … well, let’s face it, I had twenty-five minutes, and what would I need with that much time? 😉 (I did ignore the timer, though. Shows how much “Wonder” I put in “Wonderlic”, don’t it? 😀 )

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