Disastrous Stupidity

Portable CD Player

The rumbling started deep in my middle, and tumbled its way through my body, distracting me.  I ignored it for a while, then it grew more insistent.

As I struggled with the snail’s pace of the reader on the audiobook I’m listening to, I got hungry.  It had been about 7 hours since dinner and I was still awake.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I needed to throw something down my throat to silence that gaping maw in my enormous gut.

My beloved was kind enough to let me have use of her portable disc player.  We got a few years back, when she wanted to hear her CDs while putzing around the house, and not having to crank the volume so all of us have to hear the caterwauling of Aerosmith.  I thought it was a nice gesture, then and now.  So I thanked her, and set the device up.  We cleaned it, changed the batteries, and tested it.  After some fussing, it worked.

So I listened to The Dark Tower: The Waste Lands (Book III) for a few hours before bed.  It’s well-read, and I’m entertained, but it slows me down mercilessly.

The rumble forced me to my feet.  I shuffled off to make a quick PB&J.

I set the CD player on the counter, hearing the story unfold line by line in my head, and except for being someone else’s voice, it seemed very like having one of my own stories start to unravel.  I listened, enjoyed, and pulled the bread and peanut butter from the cabinet.  I laid it on the bread, still listening, pausing in my task to catch the words as they rolled through my skull.

I opened the refrigerator and stretched for the jelly.  I lathered it on, licked the knife clean and dropped it into the boneyard with the rest of the ghosts of dinners past.  I lidded the peanut butter, the jelly and put the warm items back into the cabinet.  I let the door slap closed, then turned, opened the fridge again and stepped forward with the jelly in my hand.

A deafening crash and sudden silence in my head told me I’d made a fatal error.

And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again.


I’m sorry, love.


All original content © 2009 DarcKnyt
ALL rights reserved.

13 thoughts on “Disastrous Stupidity

  1. There’s only so many times a man can hear Steven Tyler’s scream of “Ooooh, pretty mama!” before an urge to kill begins to grow inside the mind and force the body to do things that often lead to incarceration.

    Yes. That number is ONE, for me.

    • “Ooooh pretty mama”??

      Okay, I’ve got pretty much everything Aerosmith’s ever done, and while I tend to listen to the older stuff, the phrase “pretty mama” doesn’t jump out at me.

      Even you’ve blocked it out! What does that tell ya??

      • If you’re not hearing it, then you’ve become completely desensitized to the pretty-mamas.

        I knew listening to that crap had ramifications.

  2. It’s okay Love, accidents happen, I know that.

    And miraculously, on a whim I thought I’d check it one more time. Guess what? It’s working! 😀 ♪♪♪♪♪ wish they all could be California girls! ♪♪♪♪

    Really? What the hell? Do electronics heal?? Well, I’ll give it another go. And take it off before I do anything involving … you know … moving.

    • The original, or the I-can’t-believe-it’s-so-effing-good DLR version?

      There’s no such thing as “I-can’t-believe-it’s-so-effing-good” ANYTHING with David Lee Roth attached. NOTHING.

      • DLR is immortal, here’s why.

        Yeah, well, that’s all subjective. If he could sing I’d be more inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. But he can’t, never could, and never will. But hey — if you like him, that’s why they make chocolate AND vanilla, right?

          • The current play-by-play guy for your Chicago Bulls is a funny looking little bald man named Chuck Swirsky. While he worked in Toronto covering the Raptors, he had a daily sports talk radio show. Whenever any two people disagreed on a subject he would always say “That’s why they make chocolate and vanilla.” It was sort of like a catch phrase of his. During his show, I would hear it at least once a day. Along with his other favourite line “Break out the salami and cheese” whenever the home team was assured of victory.

            Swirsky, I know naught; salami and cheese, however, is AWESOMENESS. Mmm. Now I’m hungry, and thank you for the educational stroll down Trivial Lane. 🙂

  3. Hang in there, I’ve broken plenty of my wife’s stuff over the years… and I’ve stretched out a few of her nightgowns too… but the less said about that the better.

    Yeah … yeah, the less the better there. Yeah.

  4. Ouch. We listened to Blaze on the way back from holiday and I immediately snatched up the copy we got for xmas and finished it that same night. I agree that listening is slower.

    I couldn’t believe the difference. It hurts me.

  5. I’m new here, so maybe I missed it, but did you break the jar of jelly? My son did that, and I ended up making a character clean up the mess–he did work in a grocery store.

    Nope. not the jelly jar. The listening device. But, somehow, it resurrected. I have no idea how. Interesting, no? And welcome! Glad to have you stop by!

    As for David Lee Roth… That California Girls video did nothing for my soul. Call me jealous.

    It didn’t do anything for me either. But then, WIGSF is a music man’s music man, so maybe it’s just him. 🙂

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