What’s My Motivation?

I need to know what my motivation is.

I feel like some hair-brained actor asking this question.  I have desperation and homelessness as my motivation for one thing, but I’m missing it in several other areas, too.  I can’t tell you how frustrated I am right now.

I don’t feel like writing.

I have no interest in going out and learning something to blog about, like software or new websites or any of that rot.

I have to work, really hard and get headaches, to keep up my job search.

I don’t even feel like watching TV.

And writing?  Forget it.  Not happening.

So what’s the problem?  I have no idea.  I’m not sure I want to know.  I have to break out of the blahs and do it soon or there’s serious trouble ahead.  There’s an iceberg on its way, and if I don’t get the ship back on course, we’re gonna slam into it.

It’s not a comforting thought, and despite my ragged nerves and quick-short nails, I’m almost paralyzed by my blandness, my total lack of energy and enthusiasm.  Scary thought, if you’re looking for my opinion, but I’m not able – as of today, at least – to change it.  I try not to be governed by my moods.  I have to cowboy up and do what I have to do here.  But it’s been danged tough to face the computer screen every day lately.

How about you?  What’s your motivation for getting things done?  When you’ve got something you want to check off your list in front of you, how do you marshal your resources and creativity to get it done?

Whatever it is, package it and send it to me, willya?


All original content © 2009 DarcKnyt
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12 thoughts on “What’s My Motivation?

  1. Well, you’re obviously not looking for a response from somebody who can commiserate–but you’re getting one. I could have written this post myself. I used to find that the simple act of writing out a list was enough to get me motivated, even if it was listing number one as “wake up.” No more, though. I feel like I sit in a stupor half the time. Mentally exhausted from the sheer act of sifting through and separating ideas.

    First, welcome! Thanks for stopping by and commenting, and I hope you’ll be back regularly. We love new readers around here. Second, I envy that you’re mentally exhausted from an act of SOMEthing. I’m just … blah. Meh. For nothing. So you’re still a little way uphill from me. 🙂

    So-I’ve decided that today, I’m going to write about the fictitious me that I want to be. The one who not only found a purpose but who thought up a strategy and executed, the one who doesn’t exist purely in her head. I figured it can’t hurt 😉 We shall see…

    Let us know how it goes!

    I will be checking in to see if any other readers comment on this…I could use the help myself… 🙂

    Me too. 🙂

  2. Don’t ask me. I don’t get anything done.

    If homelessness isn’t enough of a motivator, how about the shelter for your wife and children? Still not working for you, well, then kick them out into the cold. Make them provide for you.

    I know, I know … I’m working on it. Between answering comments, that is.

    Sheesh, that’s harsh, isn’t it?


    You like to write horror, right? Try this. Go out and try to live a horror story where you are the monster/demon/evil-doer. Really get into the head of such a being. Become the monster. Find a stranger on the bus and just bite the poor guy. See what happens.

    Oh, I KNOW what happens. They call it being “placed under arrest” and “incarcerated”. My understanding is it’s not that fun. The part where I get to be a flesh-eating, terrorizing fat guy slashing throats and sending people to the Nether-world with fewer parts that they started with? Now, THAT’S fun.

    • Most of the horror I’ve seen, the police tends to be rather incompetent if existent at all. Go for it man. Get that winter caretaker job in Colorado.

      Hm … let’s see … I’m going to need an axe … and a tennis ball … and a typewriter … oh, and a winter. Fresh out of those here.

  3. My motivation? Lots to do and gotta stay on the move.

    I figure there will plenty of time to rest in Eternity.


    Dr. Bibey, welcome, and thank you for commenting. I’ve been by your blog and read your “About” page … you are, indeed, a busy man with much motivation. Thanks for sharing yours with us.

  4. Sounds like depression, to me. I’m in the same boat, as you know. I’m not putting any pressure on myself to do more than I can. Doing the important things, like dishes and laundry and child-rearing, but I quit writing (instant pressure release), pulled back quite a bit from the internet, not weeding the garden. Forcing myself to change up the locale of my moping to get in some stimulation.

    Good luck.

    I guess part of it could be depression. I don’t know how much. Yeah, it’s been tough — for a lot of people, millions in fact — with things the way they are. Today is better, somewhat. I’m searching the web, finding things to submit my resume for, etc. It’s just not having anything happen that’s making it so hard for me. Then again, maybe I’m a chemical disaster.

  5. Sometimes the path ahead is tougher then first seemed. Thats good though it makes you look at where you are. Would like to feel bad for ya, but you know my situation so compassion for unemployment not in my tool box. You need to go do something different, look for another line of work and reinvent yourself. In plain get up dust yourself off and move forward.

    ” It’s not how hard you hit, it’s how you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.

    Zman sends

    Yeah, we all have our own crosses to bear, I suppose.

  6. Pressure motivates me, as does having a lot to do. When I’m busy, I prioritize my time and get more accomplished. I get more energy instead of bogged down. When I’m bored and have little to do, I become very unmotivated and get lazy and fall into a pit of blahs.

    Wow, you’re the person I need to conduct my job search! You do that and I’ll post to your blog for you. Deal? 😉 (I’m just jealous; I want to be like you are. Hope that didn’t come through too much.)

    • I haven’t had any luck finding my own job. I’ve emailed at least twenty letters and haven’t heard a peep. I’d at least like an automatic response, so I know they got my application/resume.

      That’d be nice, wouldn’t it? I don’t know how long you’ve been out, but if you can extrapolate that over six months, you’re getting to where I’ve been. It stinks.

  7. Motivation has its ebb and flow like anything else. Perhaps you are compounding the ebb cycle with angst?

    That’s a very distinct possibility; good point.

    There is nothing horrible about not wanting to write. It could be you need to read or draw or take long walks instead. And certainly abstaining for tv can only do the mind good.

    True enough. I really should peel back from the amount of TV I watch. How can it hurt? It certainly doesn’t HELP, that I can see. Excellent idea.

    About the job search, have you considered doing something unrelated to your field? Something mindless or something you wouldn’t have considered an option? Just a thought.

    Yeah, actually, I have. The problem is, not being able to dip too far below my income level and still meet my obligations. That’s the major drawback right now. But it is crossing my mind, almost daily. Thanks for the ideas, though — it’s always nice to hear someone else think along the same course.

  8. I imagine my life without writing. I mean, I imagine all the people I’ve shared my silly dream with, and I imagine saying, “I quit.” I imagine watching TV instead for the rest of my life and looking at my son and saying, “Mommy had this dream and then she quit.”

    That gets me back to the page.

    *Shiver* Yeah … that’d do it. For sure, that’d do it. Thank you for that.

    • Mapelba, YES. This is what made me decide to write about the “fictional” me that I want to be. (No, I didn’t do it yesterday as intended but I’m working on it today.) The words “Mommy quit” make me sick. This is perhaps the greatest motivation of all.

  9. I go through periods when I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. The only thing I can say is that beating yourself up over it is never a good thing.

    Looking for a job is almost as demoralizing as trying to get published no one likes to be told that they’re not what is being looked for.

    You know the last time I was out of work I kept busy by teaching myself HTML and creating my webpage. Even though I didn’t feel like writing I at least felt like I was doing something creative.

    Well my thoughts are all over the place tonight- but the thing is hang in there. If you were able to write what you did today it shows that neither your brain or your spirit is as atrophied as you might think.

    Thank you, Al. You’re right, there are similarities between trying to be published and trying to find work … at least now, in this economic disaster. I appreciate the encouragement and kind words. They mean a lot. God bless.

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