Final Destination

Cover of

Yeah, I sat through this one.  Now I understand what an insult it is when someone compares my work to this movie.

I’ll sum it up like this: You can’t cheat death, and if you do, death gets miffed.

A high school French class is going to France for ten days as a class trip.  One of the students gets a premonition of the plane going down.  Right before take off, he has a panic attack, raises a ruckus, and is removed from the plane along with four other students and one of the chaperone teachers.  They are to catch another plane a few hours later.  But moments after it takes off, the six witness the explosion of the plane they left, and the subsequent deaths of all aboard, including their entire class and their teacher.

The FBI has questions, naturally, and the National Transportation Safety Board decides the accident was a fuel line problem.  So the boy with the panic problem isn’t detained, and is free to discover the secrets of death and how to beat it.

But they were supposed to die on that plane, so the ones who got off are hunted by death, one by one.  Will anyone cheat death finally and for all?  They believe they can if they can just keep ahead of the pattern and recognize the signs as they unfold for them.

*Yawn*  Okay, my summation is about as exciting as the movie gets.  Not only is death angry about the six survivors, it’s bent on getting them in the most grisly, over-the-top ways possible.  Impossible events, self-aware and self-ambulatory water, virulent and malicious powerlines, even gravity all team up to destroy those who thought they could get away from dying at their appointed time.

The acting wasn’t too bad.  I mean, they were young people for the most part, and they did all right considering the script they had to work with.  But the idea of Fate being a vengeful and begrudging force was overplayed, overwrought and just plain silly.  As many gruesome things as the film makers thought they could get away with were crammed into barely ninety minutes, until by the end I rolled my eyes and laughed.  Laughed, I tells ya.  Pathetic.

Let me sum it up by saying: LAME.  Lame.  Lamelamelame.  A one-legged, one-eyed, mange-infested and flea-bitten dog isn’t this lame.

In the end, the movie leaves one pondering whether there is any escape from destiny.  And, of course, all forces of nature and Newtonian laws obey the great Fate.

This wasn’t horrifying, wasn’t scary, wasn’t even amusing after a while; it was just comical.  And if this is among the best modern horror has to offer, I’m ready to trade in my prose layouts for a scriptwriting utility like Celtx.  Look out, HollywoodI’ll write you a damned horror movie.

You know … if I ever get motivated to write again, I mean.

I’d give this one-winged duck a two out of ten, but that’s probably over-rating it.  Not. Recommended.  Viewing.  Fortunately, I did see one that wasn’t half-bad, mostly.  But that’s Monday’s post.

What about you?  Thoughts on this stinker Final Destination?


9 thoughts on “Final Destination

  1. Maybe would could work together and write a new horror flick!! At least we get the concept of disturbing!

    Now all we need is a Hollywood connection! Know anyone? 😉

  2. Well I can’t say I liked it now, can I? I will anyway. I thought they caught the tongue-in-cheek tone perfectly. But this is nothing new. I’m not sure we’ve ever agreed on a movie.

    Oh hush. We agree on plenty of movies. Cloverfield most recently. So ppppbbbbbbttt!!

    Every time you say you “sat through” a movie, I think it was bad. Then sometimes it turns out you liked it. Keeps me guessing.

    Well, I don’t STAND to watch them, now do I? 😉 (Most times they ARE bad; occasionally I get a win. 😀 )

  3. Proof that the Devil has more power the that guy in the sandals with the long beard: there have been a couple of sequels to Final Destination.

    I know; I think they’re up to something like four or six. Gimme a break. And if you want to talk that way about the bearded carpenter from Nazareth, make sure you do it FAAAAAAAAR away from me … well out of lightning strike range.

  4. I think I’ll skip that one.

    The last movie I saw was The Pool, set in Goa. It was a pretty cool movie, although not scary at all.

    Hm. I’ve not even heard of that one. Surprise, surprise … I don’t do foreign films, unless they really grab me for some reason. But let us know if you find something cool and scary, even if it’s by accident, okay Sparky? May I call you Sparky? I’ve been resisting the urge, but I cave on Fridays.

  5. I’ve no thoughts on Final Destination since I’m never going to watch it. How about a movie where Death runs away from people? So, instead of Death coming after teenagers who try to cheat it, we could have suicidal teens where, I don’t know, Death pushes mattresses under the window, breaks the rope, jams the gun, and puts sugar pills in the bottle. Teens get mad at Death and try to get Death. Okay, I don’t suppose that is a horror movie, but it would be odd.

    This is why I don’t write scripts.

    You know what? I’ve seen worse movies than the one you just described. I say go for it … write it. They will come.

  6. Okay, if you need an idea for a post, I’ve got a question. Why do people like horror anyway? Or what separates people who like from people who don’t? Taking into account an earlier comment–is it a question of strong bowels or something else? Since you watch and write horror, you ought to have some insight into this–right?

    You’d think … right? Well, I can tackle that in a post — I’ve asked about the NATURE of horror, but I don’t think I’ve probed WHY people like it — but I think it has to do with why people like roller coasters and skydiving (both incredibly stupid activities to me). But, that is an excellent idea for a post. For me, I like the edge-o’-the-seat feeling when a good horror movie is generating suspense, adrenaline and fear, and tension. Other types of movies can do that too, but I like the fear factor best, I guess. I like being scared. I have no idea when I decided that. But with movies and books, I’m scared from the safety of my couch and living room rather than free falling from a plane with a table cloth strapped to my back as my only hope of survival. That make sense?

  7. Now see, your summation sounds like a really good premise for a scary movie. It is probably a lot like what the screenwriter(s) pitched to the studio. However, being Hollywood and all, the director had to go for the over the top effects that in the end just made the movie stupid.

    If the kid had a panic attack and got off the exploding plane today, it would be a totally different movie. Ha!

    Definitely. This one is JUST PRIOR to 9/11. Can you imagine that scenario now? Yeah, a different movie for sure.

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