Yeah, I sat through this one. Now I understand what an insult it is when someone compares my work to this movie.
I’ll sum it up like this: You can’t cheat death, and if you do, death gets miffed.
A high school French class is going to France for ten days as a class trip. One of the students gets a premonition of the plane going down. Right before take off, he has a panic attack, raises a ruckus, and is removed from the plane along with four other students and one of the chaperone teachers. They are to catch another plane a few hours later. But moments after it takes off, the six witness the explosion of the plane they left, and the subsequent deaths of all aboard, including their entire class and their teacher.
The FBI has questions, naturally, and the National Transportation Safety Board decides the accident was a fuel line problem. So the boy with the panic problem isn’t detained, and is free to discover the secrets of death and how to beat it.
But they were supposed to die on that plane, so the ones who got off are hunted by death, one by one. Will anyone cheat death finally and for all? They believe they can if they can just keep ahead of the pattern and recognize the signs as they unfold for them.
*Yawn* Okay, my summation is about as exciting as the movie gets. Not only is death angry about the six survivors, it’s bent on getting them in the most grisly, over-the-top ways possible. Impossible events, self-aware and self-ambulatory water, virulent and malicious powerlines, even gravity all team up to destroy those who thought they could get away from dying at their appointed time.
The acting wasn’t too bad. I mean, they were young people for the most part, and they did all right considering the script they had to work with. But the idea of Fate being a vengeful and begrudging force was overplayed, overwrought and just plain silly. As many gruesome things as the film makers thought they could get away with were crammed into barely ninety minutes, until by the end I rolled my eyes and laughed. Laughed, I tells ya. Pathetic.
Let me sum it up by saying: LAME. Lame. Lamelamelame. A one-legged, one-eyed, mange-infested and flea-bitten dog isn’t this lame.
In the end, the movie leaves one pondering whether there is any escape from destiny. And, of course, all forces of nature and Newtonian laws obey the great Fate.
This wasn’t horrifying, wasn’t scary, wasn’t even amusing after a while; it was just comical. And if this is among the best modern horror has to offer, I’m ready to trade in my prose layouts for a scriptwriting utility like Celtx. Look out, Hollywood – I’ll write you a damned horror movie.
You know … if I ever get motivated to write again, I mean.
I’d give this one-winged duck a two out of ten, but that’s probably over-rating it. Not. Recommended. Viewing. Fortunately, I did see one that wasn’t half-bad, mostly. But that’s Monday’s post.
What about you? Thoughts on this stinker Final Destination?
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- The Final Destination Trailer (cinemablend.com)
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