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I managed to avoid seeing it for almost twenty-one years.

It’s not that I have anything personally against it.  I never saw it, how could I?  But I knew – knew, the way you know that bone sticking out of your arm is going to hurt real soon now – that I wouldn’t like it.  It’s just not my kind of movie.

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve enjoyed my share of action, mindless-explosions, implausible, impossible plotlines, bad acting and ridiculous sequence movies.  I have.  I’ve sat through most of Arnold Schwartenegger’s movies, and that should tell you a lot.  I’ve also sat through my share of Jean-Claude Van Damme celluloid debacles.  So it’s not necessarily the genre.

Later, I came to appreciate the lead actor.  Heck, in the right role, he can be pretty good.  But as an action hero?  I never bought it.  Never.  And I know emphatically, empirically, I was right all along, and should’ve continued to avoid it.

I, of course, mean Die Hard, the 1988 “action” movie starring Bruce “Whatchoo Talkin’ ‘Bout” Willis.  Bruce Willis, the New York cop who wanders around the airport in Los Angeles for the first few minutes of the movie staring at everything he sees as though New York is a land of stoic sanity and conservatism, muttering “fuckin’ California” under his breath and shaking his head.  Because, y’know – New Yorkers are so much more “normal” and mundane than those wacky Californians.

Anyway, I doubt any of you need me to tell you what the movie is about.  For some of you this is a beloved childhood (!) movie, so I’ll spare you the details.  But let me say this to summarize: UGH.

Yes, it was the late ‘80s, and yes, things were … well, different then.  My wife, beloved and patient most of the time, actually asked me not to “mock it” (“mock”, if you don’t know, is a favorite, worn-out and tired word of hers for my attitude of criticism and insightful analysis), stating she and my son would watch it later (this was about halfway through the movie, at a point when I was sure I’d strain a muscle or ligament if I rolled my eyes any harder).

It took me a great deal of self-restraint – something I don’t practice much, mind you – not to make anymore statements aside from “Oh, come ON!”, or “Gimme a break, willya?”  But I did, at last, succeed in (mostly) holding my tongue and letting it finish out.

I sit through stinky movies – I do it all the time and God alone knows why – and I will consider this one of those.  I have no explanation for why I do it, I can only tell you I do.

I guess I’m just a cowboy that way.  As the hero in this “movie” said: Yippie-Kai-Yay, motherf**ker.  (Not you guys, of course; none of you are M-Fers.  Heh.)



12 thoughts on “Yippie-Kai-Yay

  1. You big baby. “Wah, somebody talked bad about Cali, wah wah wah. *stamps feet*”

    You hush, Okie! 😉


    I watched it a long time ago, and many times since, so it’s not good or bad to me anymore, it just is.

    I’m still in the “it sucks” stage. Maybe I’ll get over it with repeated viewings. (Yeah, riiiight.)

  2. Have you ever seen the “Evening with Kevin Smith” where Kevin talks about working with Bruce Willis? That’s one of the funniest DVD’s I’ve ever watched. Much better than Diehard.

    Nope, ‘fraid I’ve never heard of that one. I’ll keep an eye out for it though.

  3. Most movies are completely implausible (all Jason Statham movies come to mind), but at least the Die Hard ones were fun, too. Loosen up!

    I’m as loose as a drunk co-ed at a frat party! But this movie SUCKS!

    I must admit I have a really hard time watching movies from a certain era, years after they were popular. I get caught up in the stupid hair, bad music, ugly house decorations, and horrible clothing styles and totally miss the story. I always shove the movie back in the box wondering, ‘What *were* they thinking?’

    I have a hard time with older movies, too, where the acting is more like a stage play and the actors are all … screaming at each other, or something. They’re weird.

  4. I haven’t seen that movie since it came out. I remember liking it at the time. Though I HATED the other Die Hard movie I saw–can’t remember which one. And now you couldn’t pay me to sit through any of them.

    If the original was this bad, how can the sequels be better?

    I don’t mind old movies. A good movie should be able to rise above the bad hair or whatever. But if a story is weak, all that other stuff will just clobber it.

    Oh yeah. For writers, I bet this is universally true.

  5. Oh yes, I remember hearing my brother repeating the yippeewhatevertheheckhesaid over and over (kinda like my husband with his “I’ll be your huckleberry”) and it irritated me to no end. That said–I *think* I enjoyed the movie. It’s been so long ago I really can’t remember. I do know this–I don’t want to see it now.

    Okay, Tombstone was AWESOME. “I’m your huckleberry” was a GREAT line. This movie? *Insert barfy noises here*

    The real surprise here is that you watched Arnold and Jean-Claude 🙂

    Big fan of both, and Steven Seagal as well. 😉

  6. The trouble with stuff from the 80’s is that it looks, sounds and acts like stuff from the 80’s and sadly, I came of age in an era of questionable taste judging from how poorly most things from then have held up.

    My cheating, lying memory has deceived me more than once about things like this, too. But I still hold out hope. In the end, this movie would’ve been bad regardless of when it was made. The 80s had little to do with its debacle. 🙂

  7. Finally, you have full agreement here. I never did manage to sit through the entire escapade. But who doesn’t want someone to be their Huckleberry? That is worth staying awake for.

    You’re a daisy if you do. 😉

  8. Ohh guess what? I just found out that today begins the celebration of the annual “Blobfest” in PA. My sister just told me about this and it sounds hilarious. Thought of you immediately 😉

    I get that a lot. 😉 Seriously, what’s Blobfest? Is that a showing of both the old Blob movies and the new one(s)? That’d be sorta cool, actually.

    • Actually, in Phoenixville, PA, where the original was filmed, every year they have a showing of the film and have a giant inflatable blob that they put on top of the movie theatre. Then people dress in 1950’s garb and reenact the scene from the movie.


      I swear I am not making this up. My sister is Blobfesting as we speak. I’ll have to fill you in on the details tomorrow.

      Yes, please do!!

  9. Okay, no to Steven Seagal. Actually – Hell No! Worst. Actor. Ever!

    Actor? He’s an ACTOR??

    I can handle Bruce, Arnold and Jean-Claude but no way, no how can I ever sit through a Seagal movie again. The only one of his I remotely liked was the one that also had Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey in it was “Under Siege.” I watched for the other two actors since Steven was in it as much as the other guys.

    The cook Navy SEAL who takes out a bunch o’ people who hijacked an AIRCRAFT CARRIER from the US MILITARY? Yeah, I remember. Ugh.

    Talk about one note acting – ugh!

    Definitely. But like I said, I sat through ’em. Mostly for the martial arts action, but I did sit through them. Yes, I am embarrassed.

  10. If I ever got a tattoo, I wanted to get Yippee Kay Yay Motherf*cker tattooed on my butt. Why? I don’t know. Perhaps it gives you better insight into my warped and twisted mind. Or not.

    That’s … more than I need to know, actually. Thanks for sharing.

    I loved the last Die Hard – Live Free or Die Hard. I waited for WEEKS to get it on Netflix. How can you not like a movie with cyber-terrorists AND Justin Long? It’s just not possible, I tell ya.

    I’ll find a way, trust me. 😉

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