Explanations and Apologies

Yesterday, I had a little meltdown.  Some of you saw it.  Some of you got it.  This post is just to tell you what happened, and to apologize for my childish and immature behavior.

On Friday, August 7, 2009, I had a telephone interview for a job with a global company having a local presence.  The interview came about after many events aligned to ensure it wouldn’t happen.  For instance, the recruiter didn’t add the “.com” portion to my email address when he sent me a confirmation email about the appointment time.  I don’t know what sort of bonehead dumb-ass doesn’t know you need a domain specifier on an email address in the 21st century, but apparently, he didn’t.  So his email went nowhere fast.  He caught it from his delivery failure notification though, and called me only to say the hiring manager suffered a death in the family.  She arranged for a phone interview instead of a face-to-face.  So, on and on, obstacles removed to make the interview happen.

So, I thought this was something God was working out.  Maybe this was the job for me!  And then the interview itself went so well – one of the best I’ve ever had.  I thought for sure things were going to click on this.  At the very least, I’d get that second interview which is so common now, since the hiring manager couldn’t be on the call.

But no.  I didn’t get the job.  I didn’t get the second interview.  I didn’t even get a personalized email to let me know I didn’t get the job.  Nope, I got a form “thanks, but no thanks” from the recruiter.

And I didn’t take it well.  To say the least.

That’s what happened.  Then, a lot of other things – I won’t go into them here – conspired to make my raw emotional state worse.  It looked for all the world, from my pity-party perspective, like I was being deliberately attacked and poked at, mocked and ridiculed.  I don’t know why.  It’s very childish.  And in that raw, ragged state, I should’ve just gone offline and let things cool off.  When I did go offline, my wife had her own input to the madness, and before you know it, we’re fighting over something I will insist is unfounded.  Whatever, we got over it, but the day was lost to me.

In the fit I threw like a spoiled three-year-old, I got a little testy with Bryce in his comments on my post from Wednesday.  Bryce, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to be so … well, childish.  I hope you’ll pardon me for being crispy.  You’ve been a good friend and I value our relationship.  I hope I’ve not damaged it.

Sara, your email indicated I might’ve stepped on your toes, too.  I hope not.  I didn’t mean to.  Yes, I was having a bad day, but I honestly, sincerely didn’t think any of that leaked into our exchange.  I apologize if it did.  Please forgive me.

And, to all of the people on Facebook, email and right here who rallied and offered me the support and friendship I could never deserve, I’d like to say thank you.  You’re all amazing and kind people.  I really appreciate it, and I didn’t reject your offer, even though I didn’t accept it outright.  Your words of kindness meant more to me than I can adequately express, and touched my heart.  It helped me put aside what I needed to put aside, and get on with what I need to get on with.  Pouting like a toddler and being angry isn’t going to get me a job.  Danielle, thanks for reminding me of that, and the fact that it wasn’t personal, no matter how it feels.

God bless you all.  I needed the day to recover and get over myself.  Honestly, it didn’t take long, but I thought I should stay offline for a while and just regenerate.  I’ll spook your sites today, but I’ll be mostly job hunting again for a while.

So, I’m sorry if I was rude, and thank you so much for being good friends and supporters of someone you don’t even really know.  God bless you all.

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