Steam Rolled

Be honest now … you’ve got someone on your blogroll who’s there out of pity, don’t you?

You know the person I mean.  You got a nice comment from them at one time, maybe.  Maybe a couple of them.  So you decide to reciprocate.  You don’t know how they found you, you’re not sure what brought them to your little corner of the Internet, but you decide to be courteous – after all, you’re not a jerk, right? – and so you go and say a few things back to them.  But their blog’s not your cup of tea.  They can’t put together a complete sentence which would pass muster in third grade.  They can’t tell the difference between “their”, “there” and “they’re”.  Or “to”, “too” and “two”.  Their posts are incredibly inane.  Maybe all three or some combination thereof.  But you do your duty, let them know you came by, drop the occasional comment.

Then you notice you’re on their blogroll or link list (whatever their blog provider calls it), and they’re not on yours.

Well, now what?  Do you continue to act like a jerk and leave them off your blog list, or do you add them?  Well, you don’t want to be a jerk so you go ahead and add them.  And then, you think, that’s that.  It’s the end of it; you’ve done your part as a decent citizen of the blogosphere.  Not much more to think about.

Well, maybe if you just add them to your feed reader so you don’t forget to check that blog once in a while, leave a comment, do your due diligence.  No biggie.  Right?

But then, there’s a change in tone.  That person comes around and acts differently than they did before, perhaps, or attacks one of your long-time commentators, or goes around the other blogs on your blogroll or the blogs of your commentators and starts leaving comments all over the place.  For whatever reason, you have a falling out of some sort.  And then, they pay you THE ULTIMATE INSULT.

They remove you from their blogroll.

OH, the humiliation!  Oh, the shame of it all!  This inane, badly written, mindless drivel of a blog and its owner have slapped your face!

Well!  The nerve!

To make it the more embarrassing, you knew they didn’t belong on your blogroll in the first place. You knew they weren’t the sort of blog you’d usually read.  But here you were, trying to be nice, trying to be a responsible and courteous blogger, and now they’ve completely ground your courtesy into the dust by taking you off their blogroll!

What to do?  What to do?

You go ahead and take them off your blogroll too, but now you look like the one being petty.  You look like the one being childish, responding with a “hmph!” and an upturned nose.  You look like the one who’s being a low-brow moron with nothing better to do than participate in antics you thought you left behind in grade school.

For some of you, maybe this blog is the inane, mindless drivel blog.  For me it’s someone else.  For them – someone else still.  A never-ending chain of childish blogroll-editing.

Welcome to the Internet.  Now let’s all grow up.

Sometimes it’s better not to return the favor.  Sometimes it’s okay to let someone else have you on their list of blogs to visit and things to do in their day without the obligation of reciprocity.  Sometimes it’s okay for you to be a jerk and just … not add that blog, which wasn’t your cup of tea anyway, to your blogroll.

And when you do remove them from your feed reader and blogroll, you’ll find you have more time to pursue the blogs you do enjoy, and interact with the people you do like and do enjoy reading.  To you, those people aren’t inane even when they’re just talking about what they did for dinner last night, or how their child is doing in school, or how their weekend trip to the country went.  That’s not mindless and it’s not drivel, because you care about them, enjoy the snapshots you get of their lives, and want to share yours with them.

In the end, isn’t that what the blogroll should be about?  Sharing stuff you like with people you like, hoping others will like it as much as you?

Yeah, me too.  And this post was exactly as long as I wanted it.


All original content © 2009 DarcKnyt
ALL rights reserved.

21 thoughts on “Steam Rolled

  1. Did you just remove me from your blogroll??? Oh wait. There I am. Phew.

    Yeah, well — for now. Just watch your step, Buster.

    I’ve taken blogs off, put them back on, for different reasons. Some people just stop blogging for a month or so. Maybe the gave it up. So off it goes. Others, I’ve decided the blog isn’t for me. So off it goes. Sometimes I read a blog that makes me say aloud “Oh ye God. I’m never reading this crap again.” Not because the writing quality is poor. (Who am I to judge on that.) But because the blogger has exposed him/herself as a person I want nothing to do with. Hypothetical situation: turns out the blogger is a white supremicist. I ain’t readin’ no skinheads blog. No hypothetical situation: This one blog I was reading. The blogger wrote about some of her sexual exploitations. I don’t associate with the village whore.

    I should’ve listed more examples of why someone gets removed. These are good examples — sometimes they don’t blog enough to make it worthwhile. Sometimes they quit altogether. But I, myself, always admired the village whore.

  2. I had a woman kick me off her blogroll and she actually wrote a post explaining why she did it. I was, in her humble opinion, a awful person because I flaunted my perfect life in front of her specifically to hurt her feelings.

    Yeah. That’s the way I roll.

    You’re just that kinda cold-hearted snake, Annie. 😉

    It bugs me when I get dropped from a blogroll. I retain enough of my inner unpopular high school self to feel slighted and uncool, but as my husband is fond of reminding me, most of these people are total strangers. Why should I care?

    It bugs me too. I think for the most part it bugs all of us, it’s just a question of for how long. I don’t know why we care, but we do. Isn’t it weird?

    Nice post.

    Thanks. 🙂

    • I think that’s just a little extra classy touch – the post explaining why you’re giving someone the boot.

      It’s important to add stuff like “I’m removing you from my blogroll because I’m not close enough to punch you in the face.” That way people can know how kewl you are.

  3. ROFLMAO… What happened you graduated from ESP classes again or I know you’ve been watching Medium now on CBS.

    Nope, not watching Medium, and no ESP here. Just a common blogosphere thing. 🙂

  4. I think where we make our mistake is by thinking of the blogroll as a club. Didn’t it just start as linking to blogs we read? I’ve taken some long-time web friends off because they stopped updating or deleted their entire blogs. Those people don’t need the traffic my links provide, and leaving broken links impedes the navigation of my blog. I don’t let it bother me anymore when someone takes me off. I wonder why but figure they had their reasons, and remind myself that they are strangers.

    Wow. Who the hell are you and what have you done with SHERRI?!

  5. Okay, so I’m done reading all the comments above, and respond then go to check if I’m still there and find and click and this is staring me in the face Incest: It’s Not Just For Mountain Folk. Mackenzie Phillips hasn’t worked in the past two decades, so a book and Oprah will keep her in cocaine until she’s 70. The Canadians must think we are all complete morons in the USA.

    Can’t speak for all Canadians, but I know for a fact WIGSF isn’t talking about how we’re all morons down here south of his border. He’s just … commenting on a situation in his usual light-hearted way. His post doesn’t talk about people in the US and their intelligence at all.

    Now I’m truly ROFLOL and it’s time to get to work. Keep it up Dane, when are you putting this blog to some financial advantage and start taking your show on the road as a stand up comedian. Hysterical.

    I’m not sure that’s going to happen, but if a book signing someday takes me your way, I’ll let you know. 😉

      • Well if you would have seen (even a minute was too long) Mackenzie Phillips’ interview. Picture sticking a finger in mouth gagging throw up. Bad interview hilarious comments by WIGSF.

        HE’S the guy who needs to take his comedy act on the road. Then he wouldn’t be able to post about not getting a woman anymore. He’d be drippin’ in ’em. 😉

  6. I have added blogs to my blogroll just to reciprocate, but not lately. In fact, I actually removed a few not long ago, and I plan on removing some more. If I read them, I’ll keep them there. I’ve also had some links mysteriously disappear from my blogroll–Falc’s in fact–and had to add them again. I don’t know how that happens.

    Me either, but weird stuff happens especially when I change themes too often.

    I want my blogroll to function as my bookmarks, not necessarily a “friends” list (although it is true my favorite blog authors are my “friends” as well 🙂 ) I know I have blogrolled people who haven’t blogrolled me, and that’s fine by me. I know poetry and the occasional rant is not everyone’s cup of tea. 🙂

    Well, you make some mighty fine tea, I gotta tell ya. 🙂

  7. I’ve deleted a few blogs–usually because I just didn’t find their blog was for me. Sometimes they were very nice blogs, but I only have so much time… as a matter of fact, a how bunch of blogs on my roll I almost never visit. I like the blogs, but I don’t have time. Somethings have got to go. Hey, I already ignore most of my real life friends too.

    It’s true; I spend more time than I should reading and commenting on blogs as it is, and as soon as I start working again, this is going to have to come down … a LOT. I like Sherri’s suggestion of not using the blogroll as a club or clique. I just wonder how that appears to the ones who end up not being added.

    I don’t check to see who has deleted me. Too much work. But my mother taught me not to take these things personally. She’d tell me not to get in a twist over not being invited to a party and she told me it was rude to ask why someone said no to my own invitation. Move on along, she said. This advice has worked more than not.

    It sounds like sage advice. Well worth following.

    I’ve also been thinking about the published-author-thing. I mean, if I should ever be so lucky as to become a known writer, then anything I connect to might, just might, be seen as an endorsement in a way I don’t want. What would happen if Stephen ing started linking to everybody who linked to him? I’m never going to be a Stephen King (obviously), but it is something to think about. (Pr is that be delusional about?)

    I like King’s approach; he doesn’t participate in his forums, he doesn’t have any social media sites, he doesn’t do much of anything online for his public. He just writes books and makes appearances. That works for a guy who makes millions every time he writes a book, but I’m not sure how it would work for mid-listers. And if that’s delusion, let me be delusional. 🙂

  8. Be honest now … you’ve got someone on your blogroll who’s there out of pity, don’t you?

    Yes, and it’s YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    I knew it! ARRRGH!!

    Couldn’t resist that one. Since I have a fan base of 3 people, I do not know of what you speak. I have a few other blogs I enjoy and have on my reader, but I don’t think I’m on many other blog rolls. Sigh.

    Well, you’re on mine, if that counts. And it doesn’t. Take heart! You make a lot of people laugh when they read your stuff, so I’m sure it’s going to catch on soon.

  9. Well, you’re on my blogroll and I’m not on yours. What was it? A too/to error? Or a you’re/your?

    I’m sorry, it was neither … it was a “their/there/they’re”, and I … I just can’t TOLERATE that.

    *sits in corner, pouting*

    Actually, I don’t pay too much attention to blogrolls, and wouldn’t have looked for myself on yours if it hadn’t been for this post. I try to keep mine current because I like to be tidy. And now that I’m a seasoned blogger, I don’t waste my time with boring blogs. Take that as a compliment. 😉

    And I will! Thanks!

    BTW, the reason you weren’t on my blogroll’s a mystery. See WIGSF’s comment exchange with Sherri above. I DID add you, and you just didn’t stick. That’s YOUR fault somehow, because nothing’s EVER my fault. See how that works? (Corrected the matter, too. I like your blog. 🙂 )

  10. First of all, that photo of the “blog roll” is hilarious. Second, I honestly had no idea there was so much drama in the blogosphere. Enlightening and entertaining post. 🙂

    I liked the photo too. And I have to second your thoughts; I didn’t know there was so much out there either, until I experienced it. Thank you for stopping by and leaving your thoughts!

  11. Gadzooks! This is all becoming very complicated. I’m challenged enough just trying to post each day. Now I have to worry about not being sticky or maybe just uninteresting.

    It’s all a plot to keep you in line, Jaymie. 😉

  12. I’ve removed some blogs, mostly DOCTOR WHO ones that have too much negativity or too many spoilers. My attitude is that if they hate the show so much why are they watching it?

    I enjoy the blogs I follow, none are out of pity… although I do read the media stuff more than the fiction and poetry stuff- a lot of the time at the end of the day my brain is a little too tired to read anyone’s work properly.

    But then we have all those great trailers to watch when you post ’em. 🙂

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