My wife likes to read before she goes to sleep.
That’s fine. She has this cool little fluorescent light to read by so I can shut the light off and go to sleep while she reads long into the wee hours. But if I happen to be awake when she falls asleep, I get to see The Book Boogie.
Ever seen it?
It’s funny. See, the book starts to dance, right there in front of your eyes. First, it sways gently to the invisible rhythms. Back, forth, to and fro. Like a boat rocking on a calm sea. Leaning a bit and then straightening up, then teetering forward just a tiny bit before rising to full height again. Then, the beat picks up. The book begins to bounce. It sambas and mambos around on the wrist pivot point, dipping and tipping as it begins to jaunt and jig around the imaginary dance floor. It leans right and pops back up, tosses back and then snaps upright again. Before long, the grinding jungle beat must really kick up and pound, because then the book begins to really shake it.
Jerking back and jolting forward, it almost falls back under the weight of the heavy little lamp before it launches itself back up, too far and then jars back to a standstill. Left to right it yaws and pitches, then punches back up like a breaching whale through a choppy ocean surface. It limbos – lower, lower, lower still! – then it shoots forward, a squirted bean ejecting under high pressure and bounds over until it seems it will surely crash to the floor. For a moment it stills, then again begins the gentle swaying, until in a few moments it’s in the full-0n mosh pit, smash-dance jouncing, bouncing, floundering dance again.
Hysterical. The shadow play in the room during The Book Dance is amazing. I never knew a silly little four-watt bulb could have so many different effects squeezed from it.
At last, the exhausted, spent book will collapse on itself and almost fall from numbed fingers before the bookmark is replaced, the light extinguished, and the night is silent again. The bashing inaudible music, silenced for another while, drifts off into the realm of sleep, trailing a good half hour behind the woman reading. And I smile up at the ceiling and wonder if it’s a nightly dance, or a chance encounter with the mysterious rhythms of The Book Dance.
Nah, it’s nightly. I’m just not always awake to see it. Maybe someday I’ll video tape it. Now … what score will I choose for it?
Ever seen The Book Dance? Or done it yourself? My books tend to just … hit me in the face and scream “GO TO SLEEP, DUMMY!”
-JDT-
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DarcKnyt 
I’ve heard there are some other fun things to do in bed than watch a book dance. Now these are just unconfirmed rumours. But apparently, there’s another dance, I think it’s called the Horizontal Mambo. I’ve heard it’s a lotta fun.
It IS fun, and you should definitely try it sometime — with a WOMAN — but this is what occurs BETWEEN those times.
LMAO Too funny Darc! My husband comes up about an hour after I go up to bed and will find me out cold, light on and book open on the bed. I am so not giving him the opportunity to witness that. Next thing you know it’s on youtube….. 😀 Thanks for the laugh!
I may yet be in trouble … we’ll see … 😉
Dude, are you DRINKING too much again? 🙂
Not since 1996 darlin’. 😉
That’s hilarious.
Well thanks. 🙂
I used to read all the time before going to bed but I found myself staying up too late if the book was really good. I usual managed to shut it down when I got too sleepy though I have had the book bonk me in the nose which hurts since I love to read hard back books over paperbacks.
Yeah, that’s an owwie, for sure.
Hubby has taken my glasses off and put the book away a few times over the years, just not too often.
Don’t have to worry about that — she’s got EXCELLENT vision. Thank goodness!
Video tape that and your wife will probably get you 🙂
Oh, she may anyway, for the post. We’ll see! 😉
It’s not the book, it’s my eyes that dance. I know they roll up in my head and jiggle around before refocusing on the page. It is a little disconcerting, but I press on and keep trying to read another few pages before I finally give it up.
It’s stupid really, because I know I’m not enjoying the experience or remembering what I read. I should call it a night as soon as the eye rolling starts.
My clue is usually when I have to read the same paragraph or sentence about six times. And when I don’t remember anything around my bookmark the next time I read. 🙂
Still giggling about this one. I don’t read in bed, so I can’t remember the last time I fell asleep reading. That I know of.
I’m sort of surprised you don’t read in bed. I don’t know when else I CAN read really, but that’s me. 🙂
Well first of all, I don’t read much, period. And if I go to my room early to read, I end up with kids all over the bed. Plus, when I go to bed, it’s because I’m ready to sleep. I usually read on the couch. People leave me alone more if they see I’m available.
Yeah, that’s how things work in my house too. I’m NEVER so interesting and desirable to the kids as I am when I’m on the bed. Usually trying to rest, but reading is second best.
Love the book dance but usually close it up after the first, maybe second, dip. Reading and dancing, two of my favorite activities!
My wife’s too! She gets to combine them in this way. 🙂
I tend not to read in bed. But my mom reads in bed until she passes out, usually surrounded by rice-cracker crumbs.
Now that’s a story waiting to be written. By me — a horror writer. 😉
Hilarious both your post and all the comments above. Applause, applause, standing ovation! Put that on youtube and OMG we may never hear from you again.
And I probably won’t hear from my WIFE again! 😀
I really like your style of writing, it just sucks you in without permission! It’s detailed and talkative but never boring.
Thanks! Nice to see you again!
I just listen to music at night before I go to sleep but I see the Book Dance when I check on Mom!
Must be a mom thing! 🙂
Hmmm … this is really going to test my abilities to exact revenge. 😉
Ruht-roh! 😉
Fal – just remember, revenge is a dish best served cold. 😉
Stay out of this, you!
I tend not to do the Book Dance; I usually cry ‘uncle!’ before it gets past the first few moves. Then again, I read on my side so most of the time the book slips out of my hands, closes on itself, and I lose my place. However, I do suffer from ‘Third Quarter-itis,’ a condition where I fall asleep during the 3rd quarter of a football game no matter the circumstances. I have heard THAT is a funny thing to watch. Maybe Ben will tape it one day….
Well, I’ve fallen asleep during games before, but a lot of it depends on the game. In a good game I won’t. Two teams I don’t care about and I’m a goner if it’s a defensive battle. But Fal DOES read on her side, and the book hasn’t hit the ground yet that I know of. She’s a pretty good dancer. 😉
Cold like liquid nitrogen, Kree, I hear ya. 😉
Pfft… it doesn’t matter WHO is playing. I’m out like a light. Ben gets REAAAAAALLY mad when I fall asleep during Steelers games, especially if we’re on a scoring drive. I’ll really be tested on Sunday since we have the late game vs. the Chargers. *sigh*
Okay, this isn’t any of my bidness, but … why does he get mad? YOU’RE the one missing the game. Right?