Karate


Dog

A man comes home to his overbearing, overweight, under-educated wife, who, as usual, is planted in front of her afternoon soap operas sucking down bon-bons and sipping a cup of herbal tea in her housecoat.  She gives him a baleful glance and notices a small, bug-eyed rat dog following him around, shivering.

“What the hell is that?” she snarled.

“It’s a watchdog, honey!” he says, and his excitement is obvious.

“THAT little roach is a watchdog?! What good is that little turd going to do?”

“Oh, don’t be fooled by his size, beloved!  He’s a karate dog!”

“A what?”

“A karate dog.  He knows karate!”

“Gimme a break, you moron.  You let someone sell you a dog because they said it knows karate? You’re dumber than you look.”

“No no, really!  Watch this!”

The man turns to the dog, points at a small end table, and says, “Karate table!”

The dog becomes a cyclonic blur, growling and gnashing in a blinding flash of teeth and claws and spit.  A horrific buzz-saw shredding fills the room and the dog leaps aside, leaving a pile of toothpick-sized chunks where the table used to be.

“See?” the man exclaimed.  “Isn’t that amazing?”

“You’re joking, right?”

“Want more proof?  Okay – karate file cabinet!”

The dog again leaps into a fury of flying fur and teeth, and the sound of a circular saw cutting through sheet metal fills the house.  A second later, the dog again leaps aside and there is a pile of steel wool where the file cabinet stood.  The man beams.

“You see?  Karate dog.”

The woman huffs a huge, exasperated sigh and folds her ham-arms over her mountainous bosom.  She glared at the man and sneered.

“Karate, my ass,” she said.

-JDT-

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Karate

  1. Is this you’re way of saying that your wife is a lazy good for nothing so-and-so and you’re too meek of a man to kick her butt yourself so you’re going to get a dog to do it for you?

    And you wonder why you’re still single …

  2. Just want to add that very few housewives are like that. 😉

    Not all housewives, no. Of course not. Mine’s not. I’ve seen my fair share, however. Sorry, but it’s true. And it IS just a joke, y’all. 😉

  3. I believe one joke deserves another:

    A man goes to the check out line in the grocery store. He carefully places his purchases on the counter and the woman starts ringing them up. She says to him, “I’m guessing you’re single?”

    The man asks, “Why, because I’m buying small portions of food?”

    The woman responds, “No, cuz you’re ugly.”

    HA! Awesome! Nice work, Holly!

  4. Let’s have a Joke-a-thon!

    0 to 200 in 6 seconds
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.

    ****************************************

    I swear, my hubby would NEVER do anything like that! 🙂

    Awesome! Another great joke! You guys need to team up and collaborate on a joke blog!

  5. Here’s one that my 4-year old made up all by herself:

    Katie: Knock, knock.
    Dad: Who’s there?
    Katie: I’ve been good – not so much.
    Dad: I’ve been good – not so much who?
    Katie: I’m coming through the window!
    ————-

    Cute!

    What do you call a dog with no legs?

    A drag? A sausage?

  6. My ribs hurt. I missed this, I was reading Childhood Memories yesterday trying to catch up. So far I think your best standing ovation is the back dialogue. It’s 2 in the afternoon and I’m still laughing after 4 hours. And whatigotsofar up there what a riot. I like the chimp.

    He’s always monkeying around. 😉 I’m glad you enjoyed the joke. 🙂

Hey, what's up? Tell me whatcha think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s