A Rousing Round of Applause

CandlelitBath Last night, coffee cup in hand, I adjourn to the restroom for a smoke break.  I hear the water running as I approach – heck, you can hear it in neighboring apartments.  The sound is deafeningly loud when filling the tub.  So the rush of water pretty much kills all the other sounds in the house, including the TV.  Why bother?  Figured I’d relax a bit.

My wife is sitting in the bathtub, which is situated perpendicular to the door at the far end of the room, while it fills.  She doesn’t see me coming.  She darn sure didn’t hear me coming.

I step into the threshold and let out a hearty “Knock knock!” before going in.  I mean, she’s in the bath.  Least I can do, right?  Common courtesy and all?

The words no sooner left my mouth then I hear a thunderous clap and the water boils in agitation.  I step in to make sure she’s not slapping spiders or something.

Her hands are on her heart.  “What’s wrong?” I say, the concerned and loving husband.

“You scared the f… out of me!” she says and turns a deep, rosy red.

My response is instant.  I didn’t mean to startle her, I was only trying to be courteous of her.  In fact, I said something to specifically avoid startling her.  So naturally, when I hear how she got a bad moment from it, I did what any normal person would do.

I burst out in bone-racking, side-splitting guffaws.  I mean, she got so startled she not only jumped hard enough to splash and stir up the water, she clapped!  Just once.  One, big, palm-stinging clap.  WTF is up with the clap?  I wanted to ask if the scare was so good she felt she had to applaud, but thought better of it.  Until a few minutes later when I did ask.

I can barely type this.  Tears are streaming down my face.  My gut hurts.

It. Was. So. Funny!

Oh man.  I can’t wait for the next bath night.  I can’t wait.


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19 thoughts on “A Rousing Round of Applause

  1. LOL, I hope she is finally laughing with you Darc. One of my sisters runs in place when she gets startled. If she’s sitting down she looks like a cartoon with her legs spinning. 😆

    Now THAT’D be fun to see! 🙂 And yes, she laughed with me…AFTER swatting me a couple of times. 😉

  2. I don’t know much about women (duh?) but it can’t be a good sign when a wife is scared by the site of her husband.

    Not the sight, dude … like I said in the post, she was facing away from the door. It was the sound of my voice that scared her.

  3. Can’t believe it took me so long to think of this. If her heart is already racing from the scare, you met as well drop your pants and get yours racing too.

    Wouldn’t work with me busting a gut laughing like I was, but I’ll keep it in mind for next scare.

  4. It’s tough with people who startle easily. If you burst in suddenly, you scare them. If you creep up quietly and then make a wee little noise, you scare them. You can’t win!

    Yeah, some folks are that way. I’ve lived with ’em. I enjoy it though. Scaring? One of my favorite pastimes. 🙂

    Not that I’m assuming your ‘Ness is normally a jumpy person. Fair to say we’re all a little more on edge when naked and alone, d’you think?

    True, true … but she IS a jumpy one.

  5. Don’t buy his “concerned and loving husband” line! He snuck up to the doorway and practically shouted “knock-knock!”

    I CRY BULLSH*T! That’s not true!! ROLFLMAO!

    And I “clapped” because he was too far away for me to smack, and I didn’t want to hurt my hand by banging the side of the tub, so I slapped my hand and said, “Come closer, so I can do that to your butt!”

    BS again! You said NOTHING at first!

    Courteous, schmurteous, he does this kind of crap to me all. the. time! 🙄

    Okay, that’s true.

  6. I was wondering if she was trying to control the lighting … you know, with “the clapper”…

    Pff. I’m surprised she didn’t use something like that as an excuse.

  7. St. Peter is going to leave him outside the pearly gates with “Dane, you can come in after you finish them stories.” He probably doesn’t talk like that but you get my drift.

    Y’know, I meant to ask you before. Do you get all the way to the endings? Because a LOT of my newer stories are broken across pages, and Falcon says the little page number links at the bottom of the post are sort of lost in the other detritus down there. So I got curious … do you feel the stories don’t end because you don’t see the endings? Or do you just not like the way I close the stories? 🙂

    • Have no idea, I’ll go there and check it out and let you know. Haven’t been there since I finished the Childhood Memories and Ghosthunters.

      Okay, be sure to let me know. 🙂 Thanks!

    • Okay so name me a story or give me the url of the story you mean, cause I don’t have a clue and I don’t have time to go back thru each one since I have to leave in a bit.

      Well, you didn’t like a lot of them. Said they have no endings. I’ll try to identify one and let you know.

      • When did I ever say I didn’t like them? I don’t believe you.

        Oh, I just figured since you found the lack of ending so distasteful you hadn’t enjoyed them. Nice to know you did! 🙂

  8. Great story I think I would have jumped as well..but then I live alone so anyone coming into my bathroom would not belong there and would scare the crap out of me!!!!

    HA! Well, Terri, it’s very understandable why you’d jump! Thank you for the compliment and for spending time with my blog! I’m glad you stopped by!

  9. I simply refuse to believe that darling Falc would ever utter a four letter word. Nope. Don’t believe it.

    Pff, she’d make a sailor blush when she gets going. Heck, she makes ME blush when she gets on a blue streak.

    Write this note to yourself for future reference: When my wonderful, beautiful wife is in the bathtub I am not to go within 20 feet of said tub. She is relaxing and is involved in sacred rituals. I am not to disturb her, ever, unless I am bringing wine and grapes.

    HAHAHA! Like I can afford wine and grapes! 😉

    And consider yourself lucky. I would have pulled you in and drowned you and then thrown the hairdryer in the tub to make it look like an accident. 😉

    Hey, that’s not bad! There’s a story in there somewhere … maybe next Friday’s flash fic. Hm. Thanks, D! 😉 Have a great weekend doll!

    • ROFL Well, I confess to having my moments, namely fear, pain, and anger. I used to have a very naughty button in my youth that I wore on my jacket. But as to making Darc blush? Pshaw! Don’t you believe it for a second! He himself has said, “I don’t think of myself as profane so much as a pioneer in linguistics.”

      I LOVE the wine and grapes idea!

      And the hairdryer has merit. I’ve been trying to plot my revenge. 😉

      You hush. I watch the crime shows to, y’know.

  10. As a woman I can safely say that you need to watch your back buddy ’cause paybacks are a b*tch for a good reason. When Hubby does things like that I just keep it filed away for future reference and retaliation. Surprisingly, or not, he doesn’t do things like that on purpose very often.

    LOL Well, it wasn’t on purpose despite her protestations to the contrary. But it WAS funny.

    My sister used to chew bubble gum ALL the time and when my BIL did something really heinous (been over 30 yrs so I don’t remember what HE did) she got even with him later that evening while in bed. If you have a hairy chest (or other hairy parts) it is really difficult to get a BIG wad of bubble gum out of said hair especially if the bubble gum is swirled into the hair. Made him think twice about doing anything to her again. Hmm, may be why Hubby steers clear of me. 🙂

    Goodness! Things get ugly in your house don’t they? 😀 The worst it gets here is a hard slap on the shoulder. Thank goodness!

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