Last night, coffee cup in hand, I adjourn to the restroom for a smoke break. I hear the water running as I approach – heck, you can hear it in neighboring apartments. The sound is deafeningly loud when filling the tub. So the rush of water pretty much kills all the other sounds in the house, including the TV. Why bother? Figured I’d relax a bit.
I step into the threshold and let out a hearty “Knock knock!” before going in. I mean, she’s in the bath. Least I can do, right? Common courtesy and all?
The words no sooner left my mouth then I hear a thunderous clap and the water boils in agitation. I step in to make sure she’s not slapping spiders or something.
Her hands are on her heart. “What’s wrong?” I say, the concerned and loving husband.
“You scared the f… out of me!” she says and turns a deep, rosy red.
My response is instant. I didn’t mean to startle her, I was only trying to be courteous of her. In fact, I said something to specifically avoid startling her. So naturally, when I hear how she got a bad moment from it, I did what any normal person would do.
I burst out in bone-racking, side-splitting guffaws. I mean, she got so startled she not only jumped hard enough to splash and stir up the water, she clapped! Just once. One, big, palm-stinging clap. WTF is up with the clap? I wanted to ask if the scare was so good she felt she had to applaud, but thought better of it. Until a few minutes later when I did ask.
I can barely type this. Tears are streaming down my face. My gut hurts.
It. Was. So. Funny!
Oh man. I can’t wait for the next bath night. I can’t wait.
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