Saturday, October 2, 2010

10:59 a.m

Me: I guess I’ll run to the store for a few things for tonight’s dinner.

Her: Why don’t you take the kids with you? They’d like that.

Me: Yeah, all right. Have them get their shoes on and we’ll go. See ya in a couple minutes.

11:26 a.m.

Me: What are you doing?

Boy: I’m getting dressed.

Me: Still?!

Boy: Mom said we need to wear warmer clothes since it’s not even sixty degrees today. So I’m getting dressed.

Girl: Can I wear a skirt?

Me: A skirt? No.

Boy: I thought I’d wear this and some shorts, but Mom said no, so I have to wear jeans.

Me: Well, hurry up, I want to get back before it gets too late, we still have to cook din–

Girl: Can I wear a dress?

Me: No! Get your jeans and shoes on! Where’s your mother?

11:48 a.m.

Me: [Stomping into the other room] What is going on?! Are  you ready yet?!

Boy: Mom said I couldn’t wear the shirt I picked out.

Girl: Mommy said I have to wear long pants. And a sweatshirt. I’m gonna get all sweaty.

Me: No, you’ll be fine. Where are your shoes?

Boy: Under the bed.

Me: Not you, her. Where are your shoes?

Girl: Umm… I think they’re…

Me: [Face-palm] Please, find your shoes. Please. Where is your mother?!

12:18 p.m.

Me: [Livid, red-faced and shaking] What the h***’s taking you so long?!

Girl: I can’t find my other shoe.

Boy: Do I have to wear socks?

Me: What are you, a nudist suddenly? Yes, you have to wear socks! Did you look in the closet for your shoes?

Girl: No.

Me: [Pause] [Pause] [Pause] Well?!

Girl: Should I look there now?

Me: YES!

Boy: Do they have to be high socks, or can I wear low socks?

Me: God, please help me…

12:42 p.m.

The front door thumps open, wife is standing there with keys and grocery bags.

Her: Can you help get the groceries out of the car?

Me: [Eye twitching] You … you weren’t even here? All that time, I fought with … with … them to get ready, and you left? YOU LEFT?!

Her: [Wink/smile] Aren’t you glad we had babies?


©DarcKnyt All rights reserved
Protected by Copyscape Plagiarism Tool Bookmark and Share
Check out my latest book, available for download!
A Fine Cast of Characters on Amazon US (Kindle version)
A Fine Cast of Characters on Amazon UK (Kindle version)
A Fine Cast of Characters on Smashwords (non-Kindle versions)

12 thoughts on “Shopping

  1. Don’t look at me. I’m not the one who told you to have kids.
    Nor did I tell you to get married.

    Hey, never said you did.

  2. Bahahahahahahahahaha! I’m laughing hysterically here, I can’t wait get Matt to read this. I love it 🙂 You’ve completely made my day!

    I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

  3. hahaha had to it read it again, and I’m still in stitches. I’m book marking this one to read whenever I need a giggle.

    I’m so happy you liked it. 🙂

    I’m SO looking forward to being a parent! lol Tell me more funny stories 🙂

    Oh, living life with kids is more fun than anything I could dream up, sweetie. You’ll see. 🙂

  4. OMG, I’m crying! This is SO my house. Read it twice, still shaking. “Do I have to wear high socks, or can they be low socks?” Hysterical!

    They crack me up. 🙂

    Up-side: Fal’s up and around, yay!

    Well, she’s BEEN up and around, but it’s a hobbly, limpy sort of up and around. Not good.

  5. Wait… did that really happen? Did she train the kids to distract you while she did the shopping?

    Training? No training required. It takes advanced planning and organization to get kids ready to go somewhere. There’s not such thing as spontaneity. 😉

  6. I snorted my coffee out of my nose. This was GREAT. I love your wife.

    What a coincidence! ME TOO! 😉 Love ya, thanks for coming out to say “hi!”

  7. Hahahahaha…!

    If it’s any consolation, this exact sort of conversation goes on even in households with no children. The only difference is, all the frustration and anxiety gets focused on a single person at a time. Not pretty. 🙂

    Oh, I’ve been there and done that too. That’s why this is my SECOND marriage. 😉

  8. I made Matt read it when he came home from work. He cracked right up, he was still giggling about it during dinner “should I look there now?”

    Too funny. 🙂 Your kids sound awesome.

    They are awesome; more than I could ever say. I’m glad Matt enjoyed it. 🙂

  9. HAHAHAHA! It reminds me of getting my kids ready for a trip to the store. The girl wanted to get all dressed up and the boy seemed unable to put clothes on. I’m surprised I survived the madness.

    They’re cards! At first, I couldn’t get the boy to take his socks OFF, even for bed. Now I can’t get him to put them ON, even in sub-50s weather. 🙂

  10. It’s what I always wanted – to live in the middle of mild chaos and lots of love and laughs and you brought it all to life.

    I’d bring it to your door if I thought I could, SH. 🙂

  11. PS I have deleted my Friends Account. I will be doing a blog post on it. I miss my friends there one of which was about to be you but the tentacles of that “thing” were too extensive as was their information gathering capability.

    LOL! Well, I figure life DOES go on, even without Facebook. 😉 Thanks for thinking of me anyway, SH. 🙂

Hey, what's up? Tell me whatcha think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s