Rub Salt in the Wound


Once upon a time, I had a bit of a crush on Angelina Jolie.

She was pretty – most of the time. In certain lighting, at some angles, and with some facial expressions, she’s her father. Ick. But a lot of the time, she was one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Lately though, she’s a little too skeletal for my tastes, and she’s not doing great movies either. She’s looking a little haggard and, well…old.

So I sat down on Saturday night to watch a movie and figured with explosions, guns and Angie, it can’t be too bad.

Or can it?

imageAs it turns out, my son seems to feel the same way I did about AJ. He sat riveted through the whole thing, every angsty turn and far-fetched twist, and was so engrossed he actually forgot to eat while it was on.

The movie’s a fast-paced romp through DC and NY called Salt. Evelyn Salt is a former field agent for the CIA, now working a desk job after an operation in North Korea left her tortured and needing rescue from her husband, an arachnologist (now there’s a career for you). She uses this later, of course, but in her attempts to carry out her mission, and not have her cover blown, AND not get arrested by the CIA for being a sleeper spy, well … Angie’s make-up got a little mussed.

The idea sounded sort of fun: A female version of Jason Bourne, sort of. I liked it. We sat through it. But man alive, before the first plot point was reached, they’d lost me. On a word from someone they don’t know, a decorated CIA operative is turned on, and before you can fully figure out what the deal is, she’s off and running. She doesn’t really stop the entire way through.

Russian presidents are assassinated, the US president is threatened, and Liev Shreiber is the only one who can physically go toe-to-toe with her. On the eve of nuclear war, will Salt have the seasoning it takes to save the whole world?

Well…what do you think?

Salt isn’t bad, but it’s not great either. And you have to forgive a lot of physical impossibilities. But my son, when it was all said and done, said he loved it and the reason he cited? Angelina.

It was for her sake I sat through it too. YMMV. In the final analysis though, Angie won’t be able to get by on her looks much longer at all, and making movies like this isn’t helping her career any. You might say she’s rubbing SALT in the wounds of her aging, fading beauty.

-JDT-

Copyright 2011 DarcKnyt, All rights reserved

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9 thoughts on “Rub Salt in the Wound

  1. I’d just like to state that when I saw this movie, I totally called the twist at the end. I called it within 2 minutes of the old Russian guy showing up at the CIA office.

    So, you considered that a twist? Hm.

    Somebody give me a pat on the back.

    Have a cigar instead. 😉

  2. Yeah, it was okay.

    Really? I didn’t think so. I expected more female Jason Bourne; instead I got an Intel commercial.

    I too once had it bad for AJ, back in her “Pushing Tin” nude scene days.

    But… Familiarity breeds contempt. She’s like OOOOOLD now. And through the years she’s hit just about every one of my turnoffs:

    Tattoos
    Insanity
    Collecting Children
    Insanity
    Kneejerk Political Activism
    Insanity

    Well, frankly, once I see news footage of a starlet squatting in a mud hut wearing a burka… Cue the trombone. WHHHhhhhaaaaaannnngg.

    You know, you’re right. I think the hut-squatting and insanity are what did it for me too. But how bad can any of that seem to someone who had sex with Billy Bob Thornton?

  3. Hrm. I haven’t seen Salt, but Angelina’s usually a bit hit and miss for me. I didn’t like her role in Wanted very much; she was a bit scarily skeletal and her character struck me as rather 2D. I was afraid Salt would prove to be similar in that respect.

    It did, and she is. What’s with the too-thin thing she’s doing? Gain weight already, sheesh.

    Mr and Mrs Smith, on the other hand, was a definite high point.

    Well, she looked better, but IMO it was a crappy movie too.

  4. She’s always got this look on her face that says “Yeah, I’ll screw yer brains out, but I’ll slit yer throat while you sleep.” Chick’s some kind of evil praying mantis woman! Run for your life. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

    Oh, my life is safe enough. Even at her very hottest, Angie has no chance of stealing me from Falcon. 😉

  5. I saw this movie some time ago. In the hall, some more, as the locals here would say :). And I find myself agreeing with you.

    Interesting colloquialism! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by Damyanti. Always a joy to have you around.

  6. Saw it and found it a bit far fetched. She’s too thin.

    Yes, and YES. Someone get that girl a cheeseburger, stat!

  7. I’ve been arguing this for the last few years now, but some fans still don’t see it. She looks so sickly now, it’s awful. She used to be smokin’ hot! And now… I question if she is in need of an intervention.

    I know, she was one of the most beautiful women in the world (in the right lighting)! She’s SO far from that now. And this emaciated thing isn’t doing her any favors. It never helps anyone. There really IS such a thing as too thin and she’s there.

    That’s cute though your son is so smitten though 🙂

    Well, I don’t know if “smitten” is the right word. He liked her that night though. 🙂

  8. You must be sneaking into my Netflix Q. 🙂

    Not I, I promise. It’s just been sitting there, and I couldn’t really avoid it anymore.

    My roommate & I watched this the other night after he had a few drinks and he kept asking, “What’s her name?” I know PMS was involved, but I seriously thought about crushing his skull.

    As for the movie, it was a good action flick. In movies like that, I give up on the plot and watch the a$$ kicking. You are right, she’s getting a little old (and skeletal) to do many more of these movies.

    See, I just don’t think using “action flick” as an excuse for a bad movie is viable. C’mon. Look at the Bourne trilogy. Not perfect, but great action movies and still well-done. It’s possible. 🙂

  9. Honestly, I never understood the appeal of Angelina “Crazy” Jolie. She kissed her own brother, for God’s sake. Of course, I am a girl, so I’m not in her target demographic.

    Somehow, I doubt it was for His sake.

    She always struck me as one of those actresses who has gotten by on her looks and familial pedigree alone. I could care less if her daddy’s an actor, I’ve never seen anything he’s in. So there’s strike two. I don’t dig chicks, and I’ve never seen her daddy act and wouldn’t give a damn if I had. Other actors actually have to WORK to get a break in Hollywood.

    I agree that she needs to eat a sandwich. She’s too thin. Too thin is not a good look, especially as women age. Actually, I think she’s a little younger than I am.

    She’s 36 now, but you know what? Too thin’s too thin. Period.

    Usually I argue that it’s a shame that Hollywood is so much tougher on actresses than actors (ever notice how your old favorites are always being replaced by fresh-faced ingenues, while the old grizzled men stick around?)…but I never thought she had any actual talent.

    I don’t know if I agree. I’ve seen her do pretty good stuff, and it wasn’t all her looks. I mean, I didn’t mind those either, but it wasn’t always the main draw. She’s a major two-face. Sometimes, she used to one of the most beautiful women on earth. Other times, she was her dad in drag. Scary. *Shudder*

    Am I being too harsh? I’m being too harsh, aren’t I.

    Not a good sign for one who’s going to be doing counseling, eh? 🙂 And yet, no one cares. Be as harsh as you want, so long as you agree with me.

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