Send in the Clowns


Dude. This is SO me.

There are times at work where, in my head, in the movie playing only in my mind, I can hear the same music used for unicycle-riding clowns juggling.

There are times when I feel I probably should be that clown, except I can’t juggle or ride a unicycle.

I feel like I need to make sure my boss is completely entertained and happy, or at least distracted, or he’s going to find out I’m not very good at my job and will fire me. I mean, I do fine with running reports or working with macros which have already been written, but when challenged to come up with something not being done currently?

Well. Smack that panic-button, and cue the clowns and loud music.

I generally need to think about stuff for a while before I can execute it. If I don’t, I sit in an anxiety attack and wonder what the hell I’m supposed to do. I’m not a full-blown programmer and have never been such, never claimed to be such, but it’s part of my job and I have to do it sometimes. I’ve tried reading books and things to help myself improve, but honestly it’s not done much good to now. I’m sort of a visual learner. Actually, the way I learn best is by someone showing me, explaining it along the way, and then my doing it myself. This is sort of how I learned to do woodworking, and it stays with me far longer than any other method.

Unfortunately there aren’t many ways to do that with computer programming. At least, not that I’ve found. The few times I’ve tried it the droning instructor has me ready to kill myself in a matter of minutes. Maybe the subject’s just too dry.

So I have a bit of programming I have to do over the next week, and I’m not at all sure of myself in this area. But I’m going to try to be anyway and see what happens. I mean, I eventually figure it out, but that “eventually” part is the killer.

So my Monday was like that. How was yours?

Copyright DarcKnyt 2011, all rights reserved

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3 thoughts on “Send in the Clowns

  1. At some point you look back and see X number of crises behind you. You see the forest for the trees. You remember that — regardless of how panicked you were in the moment — you resolved all those issues. Somehow.

    Then when the feces hits the oscillating ventilator, you stopped being impressed by the crisis. You stop letting the moment kick your ass and you start kicking the ass of the moment.

    Michael Caine once said, “I don’t get paid to act. I LOVE to act. I’d act for free. I get paid to sit in a trailer for days on end. I get paid to wear costumes that smell like somebody else’s body odor. I get paid to pretend to not notice that the cake pancake makeup on my face has hardened and is cracking on my cheeks. I get paid to make my smile and laughter believable when I’m sweating like a pig into my underwear.”

    Babysitting the system when it works isn’t what you get paid for. Putting broken sh!t back together is.

    I believe in you Darc. Your boss obviously believes in you.

    Wow. Just…Wow. Flippy, I can’t thank you enough. I can’t. You’re the best and I really, really needed to hear this. Thank you and God bless you. He certainly blessed me WITH you today.

  2. Darc, I’m sure you’ll do just fine. Here’s something to remember: bosses never want to fire an employee if they can help it. The process of hiring and training a new employee is incredibly demanding, time-consuming, and stressful. Personally I will settle for a lot less than perfection so long as the employee is honestly doing their best and getting the essentials of their job done. You may feel that you’re struggling, but from what I’ve heard you’re most likely doing good enough for your boss. And you’ll get more comfortable with the programming stuff slowly, over time, until one of these days it won’t ruffle your feathers anymore.

    The Lord used you to bless me too, Spark! Thank you for being a constant reminder of reality for me. I really appreciate how you share your strength even when you need it the most. God bless you!

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