This is me today. Okay...most days.

Today’s Monday. I have yet another round of work to do on those macros I’ve been struggling with for the last week. I thought I had it done, but not really. One last thing I have to find and fix, but it’s probably going to be harder than I think. It usually is.

My wife took the kids trick or treating yesterday. I, once again, have missed out because of my crippling back pain. I can’t even walk a few blocks with my kids for their special day. I’m furious, nauseated and f**king sick and tired of this. I want my life back. I can’t function like this. I can get up and do some basic things for a few minutes, so by definition I’m not “disabled”, but normal activities like shopping and walking down the street for more than a few steps are out of the question. I know a few of you have sympathized because you’ve been stricken with chronic illness or back pain yourselves. I’m going on something like three years of debilitating pain. I never had health insurance to deal with it before, and now that I do, the out-of-pocket expenses are too high to deal with this before Christmas. It’s just going to have to go into the hopper for next year. After we recover, of course, from Christmas. And God help us if something happens to the car and we need to fix it again.

I think part of it might be stress. I’m really worried about this stupid issue where I can’t figure out why the data’s not being moved to the right places at the right time. I feel like my job’s on the line, though I have every indication my boss fully supports me and is in my corner, understands and trusts I’ll get it done. I think he mentioned the last time we spoke about it the drop-dead deadline was when the big-wigs from corporate come to visit us and see how we’re doing now that the new system is live for us. That gives me some time, and mostly things are okay. It’s just a couple of things, and I have to root them out and fix them. I have to. I’m sick of saying this.

So today’s my Whine-a-Palooza. How was your weekend?



6 thoughts on “Whine-a-Palooza

  1. It’s true stress can settle into chronic health problems, and you’ve had quite a bit of stress over the last handful of years. Sometimes I think my fragrance issue is stress-related, or at least exacerbated by stress. I’m also looking forward to the holiday season being over. Money’s so tight this year it’s even stressing out the kids. I just keep telling myself it’ll get better, and now I’m telling you. πŸ™‚

    I hope so. Thanks for saying it though. πŸ™‚

  2. Sorry to hear that you couldn’t trick and treat with the kids. Why did they go out yesterday instead of tonight?

    The city we live in doesn’t allow T’n’T at night for some stupid reason. For the last several years, the kids have had to go out the weekend before the holiday, during certain (daylight) hours. It’s less fun for the kids, but better for working adults, I suppose.

  3. I’m sorry about your back! I have some issues with mine, having mild scoliosis, but nothing like that unless I’ve worked for hours at a time without giving my back a break.

    Anyway, it sounds like your boss is understanding, which is good. =)

    He is, and it is, but the problem is feeling like I haven’t got a clue. 😦

  4. Oh, that is so rough! I would qualify that level of pain as disabling. You have my sympathy. I wish there was something more I could do.

    I’m honestly okay, Spark, but any and all prayer is always appreciated. Thanks for being a loving sister in Christ. I appreciate that more than you can know. πŸ™‚

  5. Sorry you missed trick or treating with the Darclings again 😦 that’s junky.

    Big time suckitude, for sure. 😦

    Stress most certainly could be adding to the problems in your back. Have you tried yoga? Since popping out a baby, my back just has become worse, and the NP and the Dr both suggested exercises, very similar to yoga, as well as yoga, to help with my back pains, as I cannot afford to pay for physio (my insurance covers it, in full, but I have to pay up front first, and then they pay me back… and $55 a week is a bit much to spend, then wait around on for some company to stamp “approved” on it).

    Yes, I’ve tried exercise, but I’m having too hard a time staying consistent to know if it’s doing any good or not. I’m redoubling my efforts though. We’ll see. πŸ™‚

    My brother has chronic back pain (serious S-curvature to the spine, and his bottom couple of vertebrae jut out to one side, and a couple of really long words in front of scoliosis) , to the point where medications do not help it, to any extent. So he wears a back brace when he has to do anything too strenuous, and he finds that helpful. He was taking medications, and some narcotics, but they didn’t help any, so he gave up on them.

    I tried a back brace for a while, but it didn’t seem to do any good. At least not while I walked around in the store.

    Have you ever looked into any chronic pain support groups? They’re meetings where people who suffer with chronic pain/illness meet once/twice/a few times a month and discuss methods for dealing and handling the pain. A family friend has gone for years, and he says it has helped a lot. He’s in his 60’s now, retired, and wishes he’d known about it while he was still working.

    I’ve not even seen a doctor yet to know what it might be. I guess that should be the first step, but I’ve got better things to spend the money on right now.

    And heat pads are a magical thing πŸ™‚

    My wife says the same thing. Not knowing what the problem is, however, I reserve diagnosis.

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