Typhoid Mary and the Angry, Pitch-Fork-and-Torch Mob


Aw...isn't that sweet. (NO)

Someone at work is sick. All day Thursday I heard her in her office, hacking an alternately wet and dry cough, raking and frequent. I knew she didn’t feel well, but then she had the temerity to ask me for help not once, but twice as she gradually got worse and worse.

It’s probably just a chest cold, and Lord knows, I’ve been very blessed not to get sick until and unless I was on vacation. I was out a couple of days with something last week, and I really don’t feel like coming down with something like what she has next week. Or better still, over my weekend when I have to take my loving wife grocery shopping.

I know people get sick. I know they can’t help it. I know they don’t want to get sick and are so dedicated to their job, so indispensable at their employer, or simply too obtuse to realize they’re doing more harm than good by coming to work. Well, here’s a dose of reality for you.

Get beyond your contagious period, then come back to work!

This person is pretty well isolated by being in her own office, but then to drag others in there, where she’s been coughing up a lung all day is thoughtless, IMO. She didn’t care if I, or anyone else she dragged in her sanitarium today, got sick later.

For one thing — and maybe it’s just me, but this is why you have it — she’s got a laptop. Use it. Go home, work from there. Spread your happy little virulent bug among your kin, not among those of us who’d rather see you die with every orifice bleeding than to get sick with whatever malignant infection you’ve hosted. Leave me out of it. Ask me your questions over IM, don’t request I come to your little germ-choked cloud of viral pathogens. Gimme a break for pity’s sake. Use your f**king head.

She’s not the only one. “I can’t miss work!” is the Joe Beerbelly cry in retaliation to my arguments. To employers who think you shouldn’t let workers have sick time off — get a clue, f**ktards; you’re losing more money when three or four people come down with it in succession than you would have to let the one stupid drone have a few days off. To those stupid, mindless drones who don’t think they can afford to miss work — go bury your feet in your yard and water them daily until you grow a godd*mn brain, moron. You think you’re the only person in the building? the only person with a family? with a less-than-bulletproof immune system? You’re spreading the infection around like you’re passing out Halloween candy, dickhead. Go the f**k home and be sick alone.

It’s not that hard to think of your co-workers and be courteous of them. Use technology at your fingertips to maintain a healthy environment for everyone.

But maybe I’m too fussy. I am, however, starting to understand how Howard Hughes felt.

How are you all feeling?


Copyright DarcKnyt 2012, all rights reserved

8 thoughts on “Typhoid Mary and the Angry, Pitch-Fork-and-Torch Mob

  1. I am feeling fine. I wish I was sick today, I would have loved to stay home from work.

    Haha! Well, you can always play hooky, Bob. πŸ˜‰

  2. So far so good on the homefront, Love. πŸ™‚


    Good! I’m okay here, too, and I found out Michelle is VERY sick! An ear infection, strep throat, AND a 102F fever! She hit the trifecta!

  3. My workplace has a policy about employee illness. Any person running a fever is sent home, and must stay away until they have been fever-free for 24 hours without the help of anti-febrile medications. This is fairly easy to enforce in a medical environment. We just tell the head nurse if someone is looking pale, and she runs over and sticks a thermometer in their ear.

    Nice! Unfortunately I don’t work in a healthcare facility where spreading disease might lead to, you know, death or something equally untreatable. But it would be nice to be able to rat someone out and have them ushered out the door, that’s for sure!

  4. I’m lucky that few of my coworkers get sick…unless it’s the brown bottle flu that mysteriously clears up after 12 hours or the “got a big a$$ed bag o’ drugs and can’t stop snorting/shooting/smoking/popping long enough to get to work” sickness. That takes a few days to get over.

    It must be the germs we are constantly exposed to that keeps us from being walking snot bags.

    Must be! I don’t envy you the “illnesses” you do have, though, to be honest. Ick.

  5. Reminds me of the weird paradox that always arose in college – every professor advised that you ought to stay home if you felt sick, but then promptly mentioned that if you missed more than a couple class periods you would be dropped a letter grade, failed, or some other such threat. Some classes – generally the once a week, three-hour kind – had policies where you could only miss one class session (regardless of reason) before being penalized.

    I suppose it’s much better with real work, where you certainly shouldn’t worry too much about being fired or something for missing a handful of days due to the plague, but we do seem to live in a culture that encourages working no matter what, health be damned.

    Yes, we do, don’t we? And it’s also true that it’s dependent on what type of work you do. I, for instance, do not have to fear reprisal or penalty for missing a few days of work for illness, but someone on our hourly pay bands might. So, many factors. How much the job you do depends on attendance and how much leeway you have due to position have much to do with it. But schools are self-important fiefdoms with no interest in much but control. They do those things because you can, and they get sick pleasure, I think, out of seeing you squirm and knowing they stole thousands of dollars from you and your family and you have no recourse. Why else would they care whether you attend class or not, so long as you can demonstrate you’ve learned what they taught?

  6. Your company must have very generous sick leave. I have never had enough sick leave to just stay home when I was sick.

    Not really, pretty standard. 10 days of paid sick time, after that you have to dip into vacation or whatever. I have it from my boss, however, that if you’re not abusive with it, no one counts the sick days taken. That was also true for the LAST full-time job I had back in 2002, so it’s pretty standard behavior for salaried people.

    Of course, I’ve also been unlucky enough to get sick and stay sick for an entire month before. I don’t think any company is generous with sick leave for that. I should move to France…

    Don’t get me started on France.

  7. It’s nice your work place has the option that she could work from home if need be, and sadly she isn’t doing so, but most work places have “sick rules”, which they don’t abide by.

    Matt works in the grocery business, and they have all the documentation that says “if you’re sick, we don’t want you here, blah blah blah, and it’s your responsibility when you see your doctor to point out so they can recommend you stay away”, but when it comes down to it. You’re shit on.

    I worked for Tim Horton’s for a period, and there were two front store managers. One guy, LOVED me, but the other lady… oh my. She was livid at me for calling in sick, and I had a doctor’s appointment already lined up, and she was even more pissed when I gave her my letter on my way home saying I wasn’t to be at work for a week because I had tonsillitis, and was feverish… she made it quite clear she wasn’t happy with me.

    It sucks, and they say those things, but employers still get pissy about it.

    True enough, lots of them do. What kills me is the ones which take it so seriously are generally the ones who don’t pay well. The better the position/company, the better the sick time benefits (be they written or unwritten).

    Our Typhoid Mary is well now and we never got sick, so all’s well that ends well I suppose.

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