I’ve finished watching the first three episodes of The Dresden Files, as recommended by Bryce. I’ve got to admit, it’s a good show, and I’m kicking around watching the rest of them when there’s nothing else I need to do. (Ha!) Thanks, Bryce … good recommendation. I’ve also got a taste for the books.
But more and more my mind is turning toward the idea of a western-meets-horror thing. I’m not sure what just yet. I only have raw scenes in mind; nothing concrete, no story. I’m sort of prospecting my brain for the idea. I don’t know why. I’ve got a manuscript half edited and another half-written, I’ve got about a dozen unformed ideas with just a chapter or page written, and Lord knows, I’ve got to find a job. I don’t know when I’ll ever have time to get to all these things floating through my brain.
For me, order and priority are of the utmost importance. So much so, it’s almost impossible for me to break out of the ruts of that road once I start down it. That leaves me with a lot of frustration and creative dregs drifting like flotsam and jetsam in the current of my mind. There’s some good stuff there if I can collect all the pieces, but being a slave to my ways, I can’t break out and get to them.
While that might sound weird to many of you, and it sure does to me considering how I’ve flitted and drifted through things in the past, it’s something I’ve had to acknowledge and work with for a while now. This last stretch of unemployment seems to be the most extreme example of it. But I think I’ve always liked things in a process, with ordered steps, so I can follow a path.
It’s not that I’m unwilling to do something different, but there’s that overarching sense of guilt with it which keeps me from flying free and easy during this, my most free-time laden period. I can’t explain it to you, but even when I’m not actively searching for a job, I don’t feel right about doing things that are strictly pleasure for me. Writing. Drawing. Sometimes even reading, which I do in bed before sleeping and doesn’t interfere in any way with the other aspects I’m holding higher on the priority list. So it’s a twitch in me.
What about you? What sorts of things are chaining you up, holding you bound, anchoring you? Is there a routine you want to break? A pattern of something you’d like to get out of?